TWENTY-SIX
1991
Abby dragged her feet as she followed Oscar’s mum down the street. She didn’t like it when other people picked her up from school, and she especially didn’t like Oscar’s mum because she was mean to her dog. She looked at the dog now, at it stopping to do a wee on the pavement, and Oscar’s mum was yanking its lead, telling it to ‘bloody hurry up’, and the poor dog was practically choking, still trying to get its wee out.
Oscar’s mum must have seen her look of disapproval because she glared at her and Abby’s eyes fell to the ground. Oscar was running on ahead, pretending to shoot at the cars as they drove by. Abby felt angry with him, at the way how he was completely oblivious to how his mother was treating his pet. She briefly wondered about faking a sprained ankle or something, just to buy the dog a bit of time, but knew it would make Oscar’s mum even angrier.
‘Can we get a bloody move on,’ said Oscar’s mum, only this time it seemed to be directed at her, and Abby knew she was an irritation, an inconvenience in this woman’s life.
Someone different had brought her home every day this week as Ellie was ill and off school. Susanna had been unable to leave the house, as Ellie was always being sick. If she’d had a dad, he would’ve been able to get her, but she hadn’t seen her dad since she was two – or at least that was the age her mother had told her she was when her dad had deserted them all for some ‘rich floozy’. Abby wasn’t really sure what a floozy was and, in fact, it sounded quite nice. The word had a sort of breezy, floating quality to it. But it was clear from her mother’s bitter look of disappointment that a floozy was not a good thing.
Abby hiked up her backpack and strode on after Oscar’s mum, the dog now having relieved itself. At least it was Friday, so she didn’t need to be palmed off on anyone tomorrow. And it had been a good Friday, thought Abby, smiling to herself. She had a special surprise that she couldn’t wait to share with her mum. This was a big one: something really cool that she was convinced would make her mum proud.
They turned the corner into her street and Abby ran on ahead until she got to her house. She lifted the door knocker and hammered it down loudly, both desperate to get away from Oscar’s mother and excited to be home and share her secret with her mum.
Her mother opened the door with a frown. ‘Abby, for heaven’s sake, Ellie’s just fallen asleep.’
Abby deflated – how was she supposed to know? – and she silently went into the house while her mother passed the obligatory small talk with Oscar’s mum.
As Abby went into the living room she saw her little sister lying on the sofa looking very tired and a bit yellow. A bucket was on the floor beside her. Ellie lifted her head when Abby came in, smiled at her.
‘Have you been sick?’ asked Abby.
‘Five times,’ said Ellie.
Abby’s eyes widened in awe. This was a new record. The last time Ellie was ill, back when it was snowing, she’d been sick a lot but the most was four times in one day.
‘Don’t disturb her, Abby.’
Her mother had come into the room and Abby was reminded of the secret she had. She excitedly shrugged her school bag off her shoulders so she could get out what was inside. Her mother went over to Ellie, laid a tender hand on her forehead.
‘Do you want Abby to leave the room?’ asked Susanna.
Abby halted a moment, hurt. Was she about to be thrown out? But Ellie shook her head. Now Abby had found what she was looking for and she thrust a piece of paper at her mother.
‘Mummy, look!’ she beamed. ‘I got a Head Teacher’s Award.’
Her mother glanced across at the certificate but didn’t take it. It wasfor working hard on her fractions in maths this week, and it was her third award that year, an exceptional milestone that was celebrated at school with a mention in assembly, and you had to stand up and all the other children clapped you.
The sound of retching interrupted them: Ellie was vomiting into the bucket.
‘Out of the way, Abby!’ snapped her mother and Abby found herself pushed aside. She watched as her mum held back Ellie’s hair and rubbed her back as she threw up nothing more than bile.
Abby waited for the episode to subside and, when it did, Ellie lay back on the sofa, exhausted.Now Mummy will look at my certificate, thought Abby, but her mother sat on the sofa next to Ellie, her back to her eldest daughter.
After a few moments it dawned on Abby that her mother wasn’t going to turn around – that she’d forgotten all about the certificate. Abby stood there for a moment, engulfed with shame, unsure of what to do. She quietly turned to leave the room. At the doorway she looked back again – just in case – but her mother hadn’t even noticed she’d left. Ellie saw her leave, though, and offered up a weak smile, but Abby cut her a look and walked out of the room.
Later that night, Abby lay in her bed listening to the sound of her mother’s voice in the next room. She was reading Ellie a story and Abby knew if she went in there, her mother would be lying in Ellie’s bed with her, one arm holding the book, the other around her sister. Abby also knew that when her mother had finished she’d come into her room to say goodnight, but she wouldn’t read toher, not even if Abby asked her to. Her mum always said she could read by herself now and it was Ellie who was having to miss school and needed the help. Except Abby knew that Susanna had always read to Ellie, even when she hadn’t been ill. That was back when Abby was only small, but then her mother’s excuse was that Abby would learn quicker if she read herself. Tears pricked as the resentment erupted in her stomach.Ellie always gets what she wants, always has Mum’s attention.
In that moment Abby had never felt more alone. She put her book down because the tears were making it impossible to see the pages. Angrily, she wiped them away and yearned to be grown-up. It scared her how long away it was – years and years – so she pushed that to the back of her mind and instead thought about how, once she was an adult, she would be able to look after herself and not need anyone. Not even her mother.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Matteo answered his front door to find Lieutenant Colonel Baroni and Captain Santini standing there in the morning sunshine.
‘Have you found them?’ he immediately asked.
‘Yes and no,’ said Baroni. ‘Can we come in?’
