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Date: 03/10/2005

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Fresher(’?)s(’?) Week Hell

I can’t believe the main thing on your mind right now is GRAMMAR.

Amelia Jane Allister: LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND HAVE FUN!!!!!! THAT’S ALIVVIE ORDER!!!!!

Yes, Dad told me about the adjoining rooms. Like – is that what youeven want?! I mean, it’s one thing going to the same uni as Elle, butnow you’re going to be in the same lectures, doing the same newspaperthing AND practically sharing a room?

I know you don’t like me bringing this stuff up, but pleeeeeasepromise me you’ll do some stuff for YOURSELF, yes? That creative writingclub sounds amazing, for starters, and you should sign up for itimmediately WITHOUT TELLING ELLE. You do know that’s allowed,right?!

Scarnbrook is Scarnbrooking, but home isn’t the same without you,Mills.

Right, I’ve got some STUPID HOMEWORK to do before double sciencetomorrow.

Reply when you can!!!

Liverrrrrrrrrrrrrs xxxxxxx

P.S. As soon as you’ve read this, walk away from that library computerand go and sign up for the creative writing club!!!!!

P.P.S. The possessive apostrophe goes after the ‘s’ in ‘freshers’because there is more than one fresher – I asked Mr Anderson in Englishtoday. He was in shock as it was the longest conversation I’d ever hadwith him that didn’t involve the word ‘detention’.

Chapter 3

?Annoying best friend

Twenty years later

‘You’re bound to find something to do. I’d invite you to spend it with us, but we’ll be in Stevenage with’ – Elle shuddered – ‘Rory’s parents. I bet they’ve already highlighted theMrs Brown’s BoysChristmas special in theirRadio Times.’

‘Crikey, good luck. Pass me a poppadom, would you?’

By the time we’d managed to coax Frannie to switch her stubborn ‘on’ switch to the ‘off’ position, ordered food and waited for it to arrive, it was approaching ten o’clock and I was beyond hungry. Having foreseen these exact circumstances, I’d suggested to Elle earlier in the week that we pre-order our takeaway, but she wanted to see what she fancied there and then. Curry it was.

I snapped off a poppadom shard and spooned on a selection of chutneys. I could feel every hangry cell in my body relax the instant the salt-sweet food hit my tastebuds.

‘It’s fine. I’ll figure something out.’ I spoke between enthusiastic mouthfuls of mushroom rice and butter chicken. My chaotic eating style was in complete contrast to Elle’s precise bites of sauceless tandoori king prawn, plain okra and a restrained spoonful of vegetable biryani. ‘Although it doesn’t help that I’ve got this extra week to fill.’

The all-staff email hadn’t been sent out yet. As predicted, Lauren had raised some concerns and wanted to spend the weekend ‘tightening it up’ before it went out first thing Monday. I’d filled Elle in nonetheless.

‘All right, don’t rub it in,’ she said, between dry nibbles of naan. ‘I could’ve really done with that extra week off – I still haven’t done any Christmas shopping. I swear I’m going to end up like Arnold Schwarzenegger in that kids’ Christmas film. You know the one I mean?’

‘Ooh,Jingle All the Way, truly a piece of underrated satire thanks to its horrifying depiction of a world in which love itself has been commodified.’

‘Mally, you’resucha nerd.’

To me, this was a compliment rather than an insult, and Elle knew it. I’d inherited my geeky tendencies from Dad – he kept detailed records of every penny he’d ever spent, even going so far as digitising his archived paper receipts as soon as he bought his first computer. I preferred a more analogue approach, my lists meticulously organised in a growing collection of notebooks, one of which was indeed dedicated to every Christmas movie I’d ever watched.

Despite Elle’s protests about the office closure, she seemed strangely unbothered about what it might mean. As features editor, she’d be one of the few editorial employees who’d need to work over Christmas, and I knew she’d be feeling excited about the extra visibility with senior US execs the longer-than-usual shutdown would give her. Since having Frannie three years ago, she’d catapulted herself into her job more than ever. She was a workaholic anyway, but motherhood seemed to have pushed her ambition levels into overdrive, which wasn’t surprising givenThe Helix’s notorious family-unfriendly culture.

‘Right, then, what to watch…’ Elle picked up the remote and opened up Netflix, the familiar sonic logo greeting us like a virtual hug.

‘Can I suggest something?’ I’d been looking forward to this moment all night.