‘You already know what I think,’ Izzy retorted.
Christ, their working relationship was… intense. I couldn’t figure out if they hated each other, or had recently ended an illicit affair.
‘Oh, just ignore her: PMT strikes again!’
Izzy calmly pressed her laptop closed, smiled at me with tight lips and walked out of the room. Okay, she definitely hated him. And justifiably so.
‘See what I mean?’
I fixed my face into a neutral expression and said nothing. He gathered up his things and stood to leave. ‘Right, I’d better go and make amends before she reports me to HR!’
He seemed to have forgotten that IwasHR – or 50 per cent HR, anyway. As internal communications officer, I jointly reported in to the head of communications – Lauren –andMaggie, the head of human resources, who I’ddefinitelybe chatting to about this conversation in the new year.
Ian’s head appeared around the door as I read through my limited notes from the meeting.
‘Oh, and can you send me a draft by three o’clock? I need to leave at half three today for my youngest’s nativity, but it really needs to go out in the next day or so to give everyone as much notice as possible.’
I wondered whether Izzy was ever permitted to leave early for nativity plays, and concluded that – if Elle’s experience in editorial was anything to go by – she probably wasn’t.
‘Yup, I’ll get on it straight away. Enjoy the show!’
After checking he’d definitely left this time, I turned to a separate page and wrote down his sexist comment while it was fresh in my mind. Keeping such notes was futile, but I did it anyway. I knew from the experience of other female colleagues that trying to get the company to change its culture of toxic masculinity was like trying to get my dad to stop doing theGuardiancrossword, my mum to stop dusting and Josh to stop pulverising goodness-knows-what in his Nutribullet.
Back at my desk, it took me about twenty minutes to put together an initial draft for the all-staff email. Lauren wasn’t around to consult, so I pasted the draft into an email to Ian and copied her in, marking it as ‘urgent’.
Urgh, I hated that word. The relentless pace of life atThe Helix– ‘the world’s leading digital smoothie for content, correspondence and culture’ – had taken me the best part of a year to adjust to after I’d left the small south London children’s charity I’d worked for previously. Both were internal communications roles, but communicating to an employee base of thirty – where a meme-based poster in the communal kitchen would usually do the trick – compared to a headcount in the hundreds, meant that the two jobs were poles apart in terms of what was expected of me. In fact, any internal posters atThe Helixwouldn’t only be ignored, they’d probably be defaced by some up-and-coming writer who walked around with an inkless fountain pen tucked behind his ear.
I read through my email one final time before pushing ‘send’. I knew my boss well enough to predict that she’d stage a PR intervention before the internal comms about the sudden office closure went out. But the vibe I’d got from the meeting was that it would almost certainly go ahead, regardless of how they spun and disseminated the news. I wondered how the majority of employees would react to the prospect of an extra week of paid leave in the run-up to Christmas.
Presumably, most of them would be able to fill it with extra joy and merriment.
Presumably, most of them wouldn’t be spending it alone.
Twenty years earlier
Date: 03/10/2005
From: [email protected]
Subject: Fresher(’?)s(’?) Week Hell
Where does the apostrophe even go, Livvie? WHERE?! It seems that nobodyhere at Cardiff Uni can decide (or cares), as there’s a total lack ofconsistency on the various posters, flyers and banners around thecampus. It annoys me every time I see it, but no one else seems to bebothered (least of all, Elle). I know you’ll understand, though. Yourgrammar might not be your strong suit… but being right is, hehe. Soplease do some research so I can start to rest easy, safe in theknowledge that there’s a right way and a wrong way! Ta.
OK, so the word ‘hell’ is a bit of an exaggeration when it comes tohow I’m finding freshers’(???) week, but, blimey, it’s been an intensestart to university life. Elle is basically in her natural habitat,constantly surrounded by blokes while I awkwardly linger and try andmake conversation with the mates of who(m)ever her latest conquest is.But it’s hard enough for me to make small talk with sober people at thebest of times, let alone with drunk people when ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ by VanMorrison and the Baywatch theme tune are blaring through the speakers atthe student union club on repeat. The only thing for it is to, well,drink. I’ve already had two hangovers that wiped out the entire day (doNOT tell Mum and Dad! Ha, as if I need to say that).
I’m sure Dad told you and Mum all about my room. It’s pretty decent.I mean, it’s tiny but it’s nice to have a space to myself (finally!) andhaving an en suite feels proper posh, especially as loads of other hallsaround the campus don’t have them. Mind you, it’s so tight in there Icould have a shower while pooing. Dad probably also told you that me andElle are in the same flat, in adjoining rooms! In classic Elle style,she managed to pull some strings over the summer and kept it as asurprise for when I arrived. It’s nice to have a familiar facearound.
Lectures haven’t started yet but I’ve had to select a few extramodules. Elle convinced me to sign up for some of the ones she’s doingso we could go together. There are also lots of clubs and societies Ican join. Elle has put our names down for the student newspaper, and Imight look into the creative writing group once I’ve settled intouniversity life a bit more.
How’s good old Scarnbrook? I know I’ve only been gone for a week butI already miss it! Especially the view from our room. All I can see outof this window are a brick wall and a load of bins.
Right, I’d better go, I’m running out of time on this librarycomputer and the person next in line is giving me evil looks from thedoorway.
Please reply soooooon! I’ll try and get another computer slot bookedin for tomorrow so I can check.
Love from meeeeeee xxxx
