Wait…what? My crouch next to the doorway became a full-on squat as I rested my forehead against my hands. Did Renn honestly see my lack of adult markers as a positive?
Because he doesn’t know everything. How could he understand?The impression of a tight red dress and tangled hair came unbidden to my mind. The smack of plastic on the bar. Humiliation, enveloping and suffocating. Henri’s eyes on me. And finally, shame.
“That doesn’t mean she hasn’t lived, Renn. It’s a lot of life experience between you two when someone’s as young as you are. Think of it this way—she’s only one year younger than me and four years younger than Pete.”
Even I hadn’t done that math. It was funny how I’d basically dismissed the age thing from my mind, but that didn’t mean other people would. It was probably past time for me to announce my presence and grab my sweater, but my feet remained rooted to the concrete.
“Archie, trust me when I tell you that the age thing doesn’t matter. When we’re together, it’s so obvious we’re on the same level. I don’t want to sound like some corny motherfucker, but she seriously brings out the best in me.” I couldn’t help but smile when I heard that, but alarms were ringing in my head.Be honest. Renn’s lack of caution is concerning.
Renn was unfazed by my age, but plenty irritated by the other piece of Archie’s argument.
“Besides,” Renn grumped. “You really shouldn’t compare anyone to Pete. He’s not exactly the model of a mature thirty-eight-year-old.”
Archie chuckled. “Hey, kid, you don’t have to convince me. There’s no love lost between me and your uncle, but you realize that at some point you’re going to have to deal with this shit with Pete.”
“What shit?”
“Don’t play dumb. You’re pissed because he doesn’t do more for the boys.”Thank you, Archie. I’d been curious about that.
“What the fuck do you want me to do, Arch? I can’t exactly force him to do his part. I don’t know why he sucks so hard, why he insists on keeping his distance.”
“So you’re just gonna stick with the low-key anger, passive-aggressive guilt trips, and underlying tension that’s been going on since…” Archie took a deep breath. “…since Costa Rica?”
Renn sighed heavily. “At least Pete picked them up from the coffee shop earlier. I don’t want to jinx it, but it seems like he’s been trying more lately. I didn’t even have to ask him twice.”
“Nice that he throws you a bone now and then,” Archie grouched.
“Look, Arch, I can’t claim to understand Pete’s actions. I don’t know why he doesn’t want to help Gage with his spelling or listen to Robbie practice guitar. If it makes him sad. Or maybe he’s just not interested. But nothing’s changed in four years, and I’m done hoping it will.”
“That fucking prick,” Archie whispered, so vehemently I couldn’t help but wonder if he knew more about Pete’s behavior than he was letting on.
“Archie…another thing…about Sadie…”
“Yeah?” Archie spoke gently.
“I told her about my tattoo. Dad. Mary.”
“That’s… You don’t talk about…wow.”
Renn’s voice was soft. “It’s like I said. There’s something there.”
“Okay. You get I want you to be happy, right? And it’s great Sadie gives that to you. I just want you to be prepared, so trust me when I say being with her is gonna be a lot more complicated than you think.”
I heard Renn’s distinct exhale. I was one hundred percent positive he was running his fingers through his hair. “Have you even met me, Archie? You’re so stuck on the baggage Sadiemighthave, but let’s be real here—I’m also carrying a metric fuckton of it. Do you think with my life I could date some airhead sorority girl or some shit like that? Do you think there’s a young woman out there just waiting for me to take her to dinner and a movie, while we hold hands, and I talk about the shop getting audited, or how I picked Gage up from school early because he had explosive diarrhea? Honestly, dating someone my age seems almost insane. Not many twenty-three-year-old women out there that would want to deal with that.”
“And Sadie would? It’s something she’s ready for?”
“For fuck’s sake, Archie, we’re nowhere near that conversation. The only thing I know for sure is that nothing I get into is gonna be easy.” Renn’s voice grew agitated, and I heard the sounds of him breaking down his table as he spoke. “And I’m okay that this might take some time to figure out. I don’t want some lame hookup. I think she’s worth waiting for.”
I wanted to be thrilled at everything Renn was saying, except deep down inside, all I felt was uneasy. Renn was naïve about our obstacles because he didn’t understand the significance of my past. He didn’t have the full story about Henri, what had happened to me. Apparently, my visceral reaction to our almost-kiss hadn’t provided enough of a clue. He’d said we could take our time, but did he mean it? I wasn’t ready for him to come at me full-throttle. I was barely ready for him to approach walking-heel-toe-carrying-fifty-pound-kettlebells.
I knew I should stop eavesdropping, but it was so hard when it was me being discussed. Zach almost took the decision away from me when he came walking swiftly toward the studio and caught me crouching near the doorway. “Doll, what the hell are you—”
“Shh. Hush!” I mouthed the words at him, flailing my hand up and down at my side to motion he should come stand against the wall with me. Thankfully, I didn’t hear any sign from inside that they’d picked up on his arrival.
“What are we doing, Sades?” Zach took my cue and soundlessly over-enunciated his question so I could read his lips. Once he was close enough that only I could hear his whispers, he asked, “Why are we playing secret agent outside the tattoo studio?”
“Shut up, you. This is serious.” It was the barest whisper, mostly soundless miming. “When I came back to get my sweater, I heard Archie and Renn talking about me.”
