Page 38 of Rebelonging


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"Maybe. I dunno. But back then, it was all so new, I didn't handle it that good." He pulled a hand out of his pocket and pushed it through his hair. "I dunno. But this girl I liked. We were friends, maybe something more someday. I didn't know. But I wasn't gonna mess it up."

At first, I'd been absolutely certain he'd been talking about Brandy Blue. Now, I wasn't so sure. And the more he talked, the more I didn't even care what her name was. I totally hated her.

"I get it," I said. "You liked her. So?"

"So you know who I'm talking about, right?"

I shrugged.

"Brandy Blue. The girl from, you know, that video."

This didn't make any sense. The girl he had just described sounded nothing like Brandy, other than being attractive, and working as a cocktail waitress. From what I'd read, Brandy had never gone to college. Mostly, she'd been trying to get famous – sometimes as a model, sometimes an actress.

After that video, she'd gone on to do a couple of horror flicks and a short-lived stint on a doctor drama. I hadn't read much about her lately, but she was still a household name, mostly because of that video with Lawton.

"I didn't know Brandy went to college," I said.

"That's because she didn't."

I stopped walking. Lawton did, too. I turned to face him.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"I mean," he said, "it was all a sham. Everything. The nice girl act, the college thing, the books. It was just one big crock."

"I don't get it," I said. "Why?"

"That's the best part," he said. "This guy – someone I thought was a friend – he gets this idea that I should make a sex tape." Lawton made a sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh. "Everyone was doing 'em. Quick fame, right? That could be me. Famous for being famous. All I needed was a willing partner."

My heart sank. "So you did it?"

Stupidly, I'd come to believe his official story, that the footage had been taken without his knowledge. I should've known better. It's what they all said after the fact, wasn't it?

His gaze met mine. "That's what you think? That I filmed that thing on purpose? That I wanted the world to see me fucking some chick for five minutes of fame?"

The venom in his voice surprised me. I looked down, trying to collect my thoughts.

"You want the truth?" he said.

I looked up and felt myself nod.

"That kind of fame?" he said. "Don't want it, don't need it. But Brandy, she wants itandneeds it, because she's gonna be a fuckin' star someday."

"So what happened?" I said.

"So she hooks up with this friend of mine. And this so-called friend tells her everything she needs to know – where I hang out, things I like, things that piss me off. And they agree to this split."

"Of the money?" I said.

"No. He gets the money. She gets the exposure."

"Literally or figuratively?" I said.

"You saw the footage. What doyouthink?"

I shook my head. "I don't know," I said. "I never watched it."

His mouth tightened. "I saw the disk. Remember?"