I kept my voice disinterested. "What?"
"I know you don't want to hear it," he said, "but I do love you, and I'm so fucking sorry."
Something squeezed at my heart. I blinked hard and kept on walking. He was right. I didn't want to hear it. And I wanted to hear it a million times over.
I was a mess. I clamped my lips shut to keep from saying something regrettable either way.
With something like a sigh, Lawton bridged the silence and continued. "Which is why you deserve to know why I flipped out on you."
Chapter 22
Silently, I kept walking at a steady pace, ignoring the unsteady beating of my heart.
Hehadflipped out. Sure, almost anyone would be mad if they thought their girlfriend was planning to trick them into making a sex tape. But he'd taken mad to a whole new level.
He'd gone through my stuff. He'd treated me like trash. He'd tricked me into his basement and locked me down there for hours.
As if taking my silence as an invitation, Lawton continued. "A few years ago, right after that first fight video went vial, I met this girl."
Lawton met a lot of girls. No surprise, considering all his claims to fame. He'd made his money through prizefighting, the kind with bookies, beer, and bimbos. It wasn't hard to imagine what kind of girl he was talking about now.
But I didn't need to imagine. I knew exactly who he was talking about – Brandy Blue, the girl who starred with him in that sex tape.
"It was before that reality series," he said. "But I was starting to make a name for myself. Then there was the money." He paused. "Growing up, I never had any, you know? But it was starting to roll in. Lots of it. At least compared to what I had before."
I knew what he meant. Today, he was a billionaire. Back then, a thousand bucks probably seemed like a fortune. To me, it still was.
"But this girl," he said, "she worked as a cocktail waitress at this club I used to go to. She seemed nice. You know, working her way through college and all that. I don't remember what her major was supposed to be, but she was studying all the time, brought her books to the bar, always talked about what she was gonna do when she graduated."
He blew out a breath. "Wait. I remember. A veterinarian." His voice got an edge to it. "Yeah. An animal doctor. She was gonna take care of puppies and kittens, and nurse them back to health and all that shit."
"Shit?" I said.
"You know what I mean."
"Actually," I said, "I don't." I loved dogs, one in particular. Unfortunately, Chucky wasn't mine, just like a lot of things in my life. I could pretend, but that didn't change anything. Not really.
"Anyway," Lawton said, "I used to hang out at the club sometimes. And we got friendly."
"Yeah, I just bet."
He was quiet for a beat, and then he said. "Not that way. Not at first."
I heard myself ask, "Why not?"
"Because I liked her."
Still walking, I snuck a sideways glance in his direction. Cast in shadows, the angles of his face were sharper than ever, but his voice was very soft, like he was fading off into the past. "In some ways, she was a lot like you. Or at least, I thought she was. Which is why I didn't want us to… you know."
"So let me get this straight," I said. "Youdidn'twant to have sex with her, and somehow she reminds you of me." I made myself smile. "Gee, thanks."
"It's not that I didn'twantto. I mean, she was—" He gave a small laugh. "I mean, like I said, she was a lot like you. One minute, she'd be sweet and funny. And then the next minute? She'd be cussing like a truck driver, surprised the crap out of me. And she was–" he cleared his throat "— attractive."
"How nice for you," I said.
He dug his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and kept on walking. "But things were so crazy back then. I had girls throwing themselves at me everywhere I went."
"Likethat'schanged."
