From a few feet away, Jake gave a low chuckle. "See?"
I looked from brother to brother. I didn't have any neighbors within screaming distance. But that was hardly relevant. Besides, they couldn't be serious.
Desperate for a dose of sanity, I gave Officer Nelson a pleading look. Shouldn'thebe taking charge of this?
As if reading my frustration, he finally spoke up. "Let's you and me talk." He flicked his head toward the front door. "In private."
My aunt blurted out, "No!"
In unison, Officer Nelson and I turned to look.
Her eyes were wide, and her skin was flushed. "You're not leaving us alone?" She swallowed. "Withthem?"
I looked to the "them" in question. In truth, they did look kind of scary, not thatIwas afraid. But of course, they weren't threateningmewith a full cavity search.
Over my aunt's objections, I ducked outside with Officer Nelson. Closing the front door behind us, I lowered my voice to ask, "What do you think?"
He shrugged. "Looks to me like a family problem."
It was. And it wasn't. I persisted. "But let's say Iwantedto press charges. Could I?"
"Sure," he said. "Doubt it would stick though."
I felt a surge of new despair. "Why not?"
"You got a relative who swiped a soup ladle."
"Actually, it's not for soup. It's for the punch bowl." I waved away the distraction. "But never mind that. I'm just saying, they broke in. Past midnight." I turned and gave the house a worried glance. "And who knows what else my uncle has."
"So youdowant to press charges?"
I sighed. "I don't know."
So far, the conversation hadn't been reassuring. I could just see it – a boatload of bad publicity, and all for nothing. Worse, if there were no real consequences, even after I pressed charges, it might even encourage them further. Who knows? They might rent a moving truck and load up the furniture.
I was still pondering all of this when Officer Nelson mentioned that without signs of a break-in, I might be fighting an uphill battle.
In the end, I told him that we'd try to work it out amongst ourselves, but asked if he wouldn't mind sticking around, just in case.
"Mind?" he said. "I want to see how this ends." He leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Youdoknow, you can'treallydo a cavity search, right?"
I gave a vigorous nod. "Sure. We're just teasing." I summoned up a smile. "You know, family stuff, like you said."
Right. Because nothing says family fun like a rubber glove up the butt.
Officer Nelson gave me a dubious look. "Your friendsdoknow that, right?"
"Sure. Totally."
The words had barely left my mouth when the sounds of yelling made both of us rush back inside. We burst in through the door just in time to hear my aunt screech, "He'snota leprechaun! He's a human being! What's the matter with you people?"
"Return the stuff," Joel said, "and you won't have to find out."
"There's nothing to return!" she yelled. And then, as if noticing for the first time that we'd returned, she visibly reeled in her temper. She gave Joel a stiff smile. "Because, as I've already explained, we haven't taken anything."
"Yeah?" Joel said. "You want us to take it up with Lucky?"
"Go ahead," she said. "He's not afraid of you."