Danielle
I’d knownsomething was wrong from the second the blond bombshell had called Hayden’s name. Tension had crowded his shoulders, and his emotions became a chaotic mix of negativity. That was what had prompted me to step in front of him and introduce myself as his wife. I just wanted to protect him from the woman who’d caused him to feel so much hurt, dread, and bitterness. And it was technically true, after all.
But then she’d shoved that phone in front of our faces with a picture of her son, who was coincidentally the perfect age to be conceived when she and Hayden had been “very close.”
And if that wasn’t bad enough, Hayden had looked downright nauseated when he saw the picture. But there was no surprise in his aura, no indication that he didn’t know about the child. He knew. And he hadn’t told me—not when we dated for a year, not when he asked me tofake marry him, and not earlier today when he told me he wanted me back.
“I don’t have a son,” Hayden said softly. “He’s not mine.” Pain so bright it was almost blinding wrapped around him like snakes that were trying to strangle him.
I reached over and threaded my fingers through his. I couldn’t help the urge to offer him some kind of comfort, to lend him whatever strength I could. Even if I was still kind of mad at him for making me feel like a fool in front of Jacqueline.
His hand squeezed mine as he stared off into space. “I’d been dating Jacqueline for less than a year when we found out she was pregnant. I was only twenty-two, had just started working at Blake Hotels, and didn’t feel at all ready to start a family. But I wanted to do it right, to raise my kid in a good home… or as good as possible. I’d actually bought a ring and planned the proposal dinner, but I was a little early picking her up and walked in on her with some other guy. After that, I insisted on a paternity test. The baby wasn’t mine.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, stroking my thumb over the back of his hand.
“The stupid thing is that I didn’t even care that she cheated and slept with someone else—losing her didn’t even hurt. But finding out her kid wasn’t mine felt like finding out my child had died. It was a loss I had no idea how to get over.” He tugged at his hair with his free hand. “I tried. I spent three years in Europe just to get away from everything. But nothing really worked. It was like trying to fix a stab wound with a Band-Aid. It just got infected and has been festering for close to seven years.”
I wanted to hug him, to find some way to take his pain and grief away and bear it myself. It didn’t matter that the child had never been his. That didn’t change the reality of how it felt for him. He’d believed he was going to be a father and then he wasn’t, and he’d been grieving for years.
“It’s okay to hurt,” I murmured. “It’s okay to not be okay.”
He smiled without any real joy. “You of all people shouldn’t be saying that. Me not being okay is what ruined us last time. I thought I was getting too attached to you, and I didn’t ever want to feel the pain of losing someone I cared about that deeply again. I was so terrified of losing you that I pushed you away.”
“We all do things we’re not proud of when we’re in pain.” I’d never been through the kind of loss Hayden had, but I’d made a lot of choices out of fear, and those choices were inevitably going to hurt the people I cared about. Hayden included.
I understood what it was like to watch your life spin out of control in front of your eyes and helplessly wonder where it all went so wrong. I knew how it felt to obsess over a situation, looking for a way you could have done things differently and finding nothing. Sometimes things happened to us, and there was no way to avoid it.
At least now I understood why he’d left last year, why he’d erased me for no apparent reason. Hayden’s trust issues ran deeper than I’d realized. He let them rule him as much as I let my fear rule me.
“Don’t make excuses for me, Danielle,” Hayden saidin a low voice. “Don’t you dare forgive me easily just because I’m in pain. You were too.”
I swallowed hard. “That may be, but you never promised me anything. We weren’t official.”
“Don’t.”
“Okay.”
Silence descended over us for the rest of the car ride back to Hayden’s penthouse.
When Caleb pulled up outside the building, Hayden came around and opened my door for me. I placed my hand in his, and he pulled me into his chest with one swift tug.
“Thank you,” he murmured into my hair.
“For what?”
“Having my back with Jacqueline even though you didn’t know the situation. I don’t deserve you, but I want to.”
“I’m not a saint, Hayden.” I leaned back so I could look up at him. “Don’t give me more credit than I have a right to.”
He didn’t let go of me as we took the elevator up to the top floor, but I peeled myself away as soon as we were inside the penthouse.
The guilt was starting to catch up with me. Hayden had shared some of his darkness with me; he’d been vulnerable and trusted me with one of the worst moments of his life. I wanted to share my secrets with him too, to tell him the truth about my angelic heritage and my family. But Icouldn’t.
Not with Beelzebub’s threats hanging over my head like the blade of a guillotine.
Hayden was wrong.Iwas the one who didn’t deservehim. Not the other way around.
“Morning.”Hayden greeted me when I walked into the sweet-smelling kitchen Sunday morning. “How did you sleep?”
