“Fine.”
“Just fine? You know, you’re always welcome in my room if you’d prefer it. The bed is a king, so we could even pretend we’re going to stay on our own sides.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me. “Because that worked so well at the beach house.”
“Hey, we made a very valiant effort. What happens when we’re unconscious is not our fault. Maybe.” He grabbed two mugs from the cabinet, set one beside the coffee maker, and filled the other with water before sticking it in the microwave.
I rested my elbows on the kitchen island, leaning over to try to see inside the oven from which the delicious scents were coming. “What are you making?”
“Pumpkin muffins. I’ve never made them without eggs before though, so I can’t make any promises that they’ll be good.”
“Was this another recipe from your Europe travels?”
“Nope. Freddie’s mother taught us how to make them when we were little kids. She’s an amazing cook and cared more about letting us help than the food turning out perfect.”
“Does your mom cook?”
“Not much. Dad prides himself on being able to afford having someone to cook for them.”
The microwave dinged, and Hayden turned away from me to dump two tea bags into the tall mug of steaming water. Not only did he know which brand and flavor I liked in the morning, he knew that I put two bags in.
“Did I do it wrong?” he asked, raising his dark brows at me.
“No,” I replied, shaking my head slowly. “It’s perfect.” And yes, I sounded surprised, but he was almost always gone before I got myself tea in the mornings.
He moved around the island and pressed the mug into my hands, following the action with a kiss to the top of my head.
My lips parted in surprise. It felt like I’d been transported to a year ago. But also entirely different. It was like the wall that had always existed between us was weaker. It wasn’t gone by any means—I was still holding on to my secrets—but there was a level of understanding between us that was new. Hayden felt warmer, more relaxed.
“Thank you,” I murmured, taking a sip of my tea.
Hayden didn’t move to put space between us. He was close enough that his pine scent enveloped me, and I inhaled him in with every breath. He wasn’t saying anything, but he was watching me with keen attention, like I was a puzzle he was trying to figure out.
“What?” I asked when I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“Does it bother you to miss church?”
“What?”
He reached out, and my breath caught in my throat as his fingers ran over the chain of my cross necklace. “You’re Christian, right?”
“You could say that.” Christianity was a human religion, based on a gift Father had given exclusively to humans, and it didn’t really apply to me. But it wasn’t like I could tell Hayden I was an angel.
“You haven’t been to a church service since we got married.” His fingers fiddled with the pendant.
“Neither have you.”
He dropped my necklace and shrugged. “I haven’t been since I was a kid. Once I was old enough to decide what I believed for myself, I left that behind.”
“You don’t believe in God?” I asked.
“No, I do. I just don’t believe he gives a fuck about me.”
A deep ache spread across my chest. In a way that seemed more painful than not believing in a higher power at all, to believe you meant nothing to your Creator.
“Do you want Him to?” I asked.
“I used to. Before I got sick of talking into a void.”
