“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lead you on, Wes.I’m not really in a position to be dating right now.”I searched his face to see how that hit him.“But I could really use a friend.”
He raked his hand through his hair and looked down at the carpet in my bedroom, falling silent.I could tell he was at a loss for words; this wasn’t the type of situation he had thought he would be in when he agreed to help me out with my schoolwork.I didn’t blame him for being upset.I took a breath and shrugged my shoulders.“I’ve finally accepted my reality, Wes.And it's okay if you’re uncomfortable with it.”
He stayed and worked with me on a project that we had planned on finishing and then he left without saying another word about my pregnancy.
The next morning, I went to school late because I had my thirty-two-week checkup.My doctor was growing increasingly concerned about my high blood pressure and kept asking me if I was stressed out about school or my situation.
Of course I was stressed out, this is an overwhelming time in my life right now.
I rolled my eyes at the question and just shrugged.She told me she didn’t want me going to school if there was any chance that I could get my work done at home and she also had me quit my job at the pizza shop.She was using her mom voice and telling me if lessening my stress load didn’t help with getting my blood pressure down by my next appointment, we might need think about an induction.
I tried like crazy over the next two weeks to take deep breaths, drink lots of water and not focus on how much more work I had left to complete in order to graduate early.That earned me a big smile and ajob well doneat my thirty-four-week checkup and I thought all would be well.The doctor did send me home with a list of warning signs to watch out for and said if anything popped up to call her on her after-hours phone number and get myself straight to the emergency room.
* * *
Wes continued to come over during his weekend breaks to help me with homework and he even called me a couple times to work through a few questions I couldn’t figure out while he was at school.I was caught up on everything and even ahead on some of my graduation requirements.I don’t know how I would have gotten to this point without all of his help.
On his last day of Winter break, Wes was getting ready to leave and he told me he couldn’t see me anymore after he went back to school.I was really showing now and was just about eight months into my pregnancy.
He told me he had tried really hard to think of me as just a friend, but he was getting too attached to me and the idea of the baby coming soon scared him.He wasn’t ready to be a dad and even though I told him over and over that I never expected him to be in the picture as a father to my baby, he felt wrong about it because he wanted more than I did out of this.I told him I understood and hoped he would find someone he could share this experience with, in the future.I was sad to lose him as a friend and told him if he ever changed his mind and could use a friendly hug, he should come visit and meet the baby.He smiled and kissed me on the cheek before stepping off my porch for the last time, “Bye Ellie.”
* * *
The weeks have really flown by and before I know it, it’s the middle of January.I’ve completed all of my graduation requirements and am officially done with high school.Thank goodness for the fact that I don’t have to go to classes anymore because I was starting to get looks from everyone at school now that I’m showing and unable to wear my regular clothes.Even my baggy pants and oversized sweatshirts were beginning to get tight so I broke down and asked Dad if he could take me shopping for some stretchy maternity pants.I would have bought them myself, but I had been saving all of the money I earned from my part-time job at the pizza shop for baby stuff and Dad insisted on paying for my clothes.He’s been extremely supportive throughout this entire ordeal, and I don’t know if I would have ended up keeping this baby at all had it not been for him.
My diploma wasn’t ready to be picked up from school until the day after I finished classes.The county had to confirm that I passed everything and had enough credits to be considered done before they would sign off on it.They would have normally had this done before graduation but since I was finishing early, there were some extra hoops to jump through to get my diploma in my hands and the meeting with my counselor was stressing me out.After all the work I had put in to get everything turned in early, I was nervous that I wasn’t going to be getting my diploma after all.More than anything else, I was thinking that my counselor would tell me I wasn’t actually finished with everything that needed to be done.
Dad cut in and got us back on track with the conversation, though, and in the end, I was told everything was fine.I had absolutely completed everything that I was supposed to and would be getting my diploma in the mail in the next couple of weeks.
I cleaned out my locker and returned the rest of my textbooks to the office and said my last farewell to the halls of the high school that had both held me up and tore me down for the past four years.
After we left the school that afternoon, I started to feel sick.My head was throbbing, and I felt nauseous.I kicked off my flip flops in the car, resting my feet on the dashboard and wiggling my toes to get the circulation moving because they were feeling numb.That’s when Dad noticed the swelling.
“Have your feet been swollen like that all pregnancy?”he asked, pointing at them.
“No, just the last couple days.”I told him.
“I don’t think that’s normal, Ell.Wasn’t that one of the warning signs on the paper your doctor gave you?”He asked, looking over at me.“I think we should call your doctor and let her know.”
“Yeah,” I shook my head.“I’ll call her when we get home.Do you have any water, I’m so thirsty all of a sudden.”He handed me a bottle of water from the cup holder, and I took a swig but then sat there staring out the window.“Dad, I can’t see straight.”I told him, while blinking.I was trying to clear my vision because I was seeing spots, but they wouldn’t go away.
Dad immediately turned the car around and headed toward the hospital.I was scared; my vision was blurry, and my headache was getting worse.
By the time we had gotten to the hospital, I couldn’t see well enough to get myself out of the car.The blurriness had turned into flashes of light and more floating spots, so Dad ran inside to ask for assistance with a wheelchair.I told the nurse at the desk that I was eight months along and she quickly checked me in.When they wheeled me over to a room, and checked my blood pressure, the nurses were telling Dad that it was very likely I had what they call pre-eclampsia, and I would be admitted.We would likely be meeting the baby by tomorrow.
What is going on?This is moving too fast, I’m not prepared.Lee.I wanted Lee here with me, he should be here with me.
The on-call doctor called my OB/GYN and she rushed in to check on me.Luckily, her office is just around the corner from the hospital, and she arrived within minutes of being called.She checked my stats with the nurse and then checked my cervix.
“Ellie, I have good news and bad news, sweetheart.”She told me, removing her gloves.“The good news is that you’re going to be having this baby today.The bad news is that it’s a tad bit early and we’ll have to watch for any signs that baby is not fully developed.”
“Okay, but… where’s my dad?”I asked, looking around the room for him.
“He was just here, I’ll have one of the nurses go find him while we’re hooking you up to some monitors, okay?”She left my side and asked one of the nurses to look for Dad, then she began to explain all of the things she was doing: starting me on Pitocin, inserting a catheter, attaching a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor.I hadn’t noticed any contractions but once the monitor turned on, she showed me the small spikes on the screen and explained that as they begin to intensify, and I start to feel them, they’ll be able to see it on here.
Once my doctor left the room, Dad returned, and his face was pale and sad when he walked over to me.My heart skipped a beat, and I immediately began to think that the doctor had told him something was wrong with the baby.But this was so much worse than that.
“Ellie.”Dad grabbed my hand.“I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it.”
