I walked over and he immediately jumped up from his chair and hugged me.“Wow!Wes, it’s good to see you!”I stepped back after our quick embrace.
“You too, Ellie!I thought that was you over there, but I didn’t want to say hello and then be wrong.”
“Don’t do that – you never know what you’ll miss out on if you hesitate.”I tell him.
“That’s true.”He smiles.“So, what have you been up to since I saw you last?Senior, this year, right?”
“Yeah, last year!It’s pretty crazy.What about you, did you go off and make the soccer team at a fancy college?”
“Hah, well it’s not a fancy college but, yeah.I’m just home for the weekend, right now.”
We talked for a few minutes, and he gave me his new phone number.I told him I was working like mad on my studies so I could graduate early and that it would be a nice distraction to hang out and talk like we used to.I didn’t tell him why I was planning to graduate early, and he didn’t ask.But he did tell me he would love to help me study if I needed him to; he was going to be home for a few weeks next month and he could come over to see what I needed to work on.
After he left, Mallorie and I talked about the baby.She’s the only one that knows besides Dad and the school counselor; I haven’t even told Amy or Steff.I’m not showing yet even though I’m about four months along so it’s easy to hide for now.She asked me when I was going to tell Lee and I told her I wasn’t sure and then, as if he somehow knew we were talking about him, my pager went off, displaying his code1439914399.I muted the sound and sighed.
“You really should just talk to him, Ell.You never know what you’ll miss out on if you hesitate.”She used my own words against me, and I just shook my head, laughing it off because I knew she was right.I was right, but I was just being too stubborn to take my own advice.
Mallorie dropped me off at home after lunch and I was reaching for my phone to make that call to Lee when the receiver started to ring.It was Dad, he was calling from work to let me know he would be home late and to make myself and my brother dinner; he would grab something on the way home.So, I set the phone down and began pulling things out to decide what I wanted for dinner and then I got sidetracked with doing the dishes and tidying up the kitchen.Before I knew it, I was lying in bed awake, staring at the ceiling when I remembered that I had wanted to call Lee earlier.I looked over at the clock; it was 2:12am – too late to call now, even with the time difference.I had made that mistake before, calling his house too late, and his parents were pretty upset at the late-night disruption.So, I put it off again and told myself I would call in the morning.
* * *
Wes has come over several times during his break from college and he’s been a big help with my math and government assignments.We sit at the dining room table, books, and papers all around us and he lightens the mood by cracking jokes.He makes me laugh; I can’t remember the last time I laughed and wasn’t crying.I can see Dad watching us sometimes, I can tell he’s wondering what’s the deal between me and Wes.He waited to ask until after Wes left one of our recent study sessions.“He’s just an old friend.”I told Dad.“We met back in ninth grade, he moved away, and we just caught up last month.There’s nothing going on between us though if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“Ok, I was just curious.”He starts to walk away, “It’s nice to see someone get you to smile every once in a while, Ell.”
He's been concerned about me shutting out the world, and I know he’s been talking to Steff, trying to get advice on how to handle my not talking to Lee.I haven’t felt like I could talk to her since I left her apartment that night.In fact, I haven’t really talked to anybody but Mallorie and Wes.I don’t even know if Dad’s filled her in on my current situation, but I really hope he hasn’t because I asked him not to and I know if she found out, she would absolutely tell Lee and I’m not ready for him to know about us.
* * *
The next night, Wes came over again and I was still up in my room, listening to music.Dad sent him up and he startled me when he walked in while I was looking in the full-length mirror on my wall.I had my shirt pulled up, rubbing my belly where just the slightest baby bump had started to form.I felt my heart start to rush and shoved my shirt back down.
“Oh damn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in on you.”Wes was embarrassed and started to leave.
“No, it’s okay.”I told him, pulling him back into my room.“I haven’t told anyone but Mallorie.”I looked at him, assuming he knew what I was talking about.
“Told anyone what?”he asked.
I took a breath and held it in for a second, he didn’t realize what I was looking at in the mirror and I just blew my cover.He probably thought I was just getting dressed.
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”I said and laid down on the floor in the middle of my bedroom, not ready to go study just yet.Wes came to lay next to me, propped up on his arm.He was looking at me curiously.I saw him in my peripheral, but my eyes were focused on a glow-in-the-dark star on the ceiling that I forgot to take down years ago, hands resting on my stomach.He was humming to the music from my radio when I felt a ripple in my belly and sat straight up, feeling around to see if I could find it again.Wes kept looking at me, confused, and I reached over and grabbed his hand, bringing it to my belly and smiling.“There!Did you feel that?”I asked, turning to see his reaction.
Wes pulled his hand back and tilted his head, “What was that, Ellie?”
“What I haven’t told anyone.”I said.
“Are you … pregnant?”he asked in a whisper.I nodded my head once.“Does your dad know?Oh my God, Ellie, this is big.”He was standing up now.
“It’s okay.Dad knows.This is why I’m working on graduating early.”I told him, rising to a stand next to him.
“I don’t know what to say to that.”He’s shaking his head, looking down.
“You don’t have to say anything.”I say, “I didn’t expect you to … you know, that wasn’t the reason I told you.”
“I – I know, I didn’t think that.Damn!”He started pacing back and forth.
“What’s wrong?”I asked him.
He stopped and looked at me, hurt edged in his eyes.“I really like you, Ellie.I was kind of hoping we were starting something here, but now…” he trailed off and lifted his hands up as if in resignation.
