I wrote it all down in my journal that night…
I’m upside down and inside out and have no idea who I am any more.
I don’t know what’s going to happen or how this will end.
I know that I can’t stop. And even if I could, I don’t want to.
If this is falling in love, I want to keep on falling forever.
23
NOW
Despite my being almost ten minutes late, Jonah wasn’t at the Ruddy Duck, the family pub in the centre of the village with a decent menu and nice bustle, where we’d arranged to meet. When he pushed through the heavy door a short while later, my growing prickle of nerves only intensified at the sharp creases between his eyebrows. I knew from experience these meant he was tense, or annoyed. For a second I wondered whether he’d heard the rumours about my teenage lover, but if he believed that, then he’d surely have cancelled.
‘Libby, hi.’ The furrow eased slightly as he sat down, shrugging out of a brown jacket, the scent of leather sending ripples of nostalgia over my skin.
‘Hi.’
‘Sorry I’m late. I was waiting for Ellis.’ He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket and frowned at the screen. ‘She’s ignoring my messages.’
‘Is that usual?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘Not recently. At least, not until last Saturday.’
‘Did something happen?’
‘It did. But I’d really like a drink in my hand before I talk about it.’
‘Oh… I mean… you don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business…’ I began scrutinising the menu, despite having already chosen what to order while waiting for him to get here.
‘I’d love to hear your expert opinion on what’s going on with my pregnant baby sister. If that’s not too much like unpaid overtime.’
We ordered drinks using the table QR code and then decided to go ahead and add some food while we were at it, seeing as Jonah had little faith that Ellis would get herself to the pub. We made meaningless small talk until his beer and my lime and soda arrived, then after a long sip he sat back with a sigh.
‘Ellis’s ex showed up on my doorstep, late Saturday night.’
‘The baby’s father?’
‘No. Damon’s been around since she moved into her last residential unit, when she was sixteen. He shows up, wreaks havoc for a few months then disappears again. He was in prison when she got pregnant.’
‘That’s awful. He doesn’t mind that she’s expecting someone else’s baby?’
Jonah looked grim. ‘He doesn’t care because he knows he’ll be gone by the time the baby is born. I think it makes him feel powerful, like he’s superior to the father.’
‘What does wreaking havoc look like?’
‘When he’s here, nothing else matters. She’d skive school, miss curfew and visits with me and Billy. He feeds her enough weed and alcohol to keep her compliant, then cuts her off from everything else. One time, her social worker had managed to find her a place to live away from the latest loser, we’d persuaded her to enrol in college and then Damon showed up. Two weeks later she was living with him in a hole in Mansfield Woodhouse.Three months after that she turned up on my doorstep with a broken arm and a half-empty bin bag.
‘I can’t tell you how relieved Billy and I were when he finally went to prison. We hoped she was free of one scumbag, at least. I thought that, with enough time, having moved to a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, he might not bother looking for her. If it was just her, that’s one thing, but there’s a baby now…’ He stopped, his voice catching. ‘I don’t know what to do, Libby. I thought the Bloomers might help.’
I clutched my glass with both hands. I’d heard so many stories like this one, but it hit harder when I’d known them as a little girl, let alone when I felt partly to blame.
‘The Bloomers might well help. I know a couple of the current group who she’d probably find it useful to talk to. And remember, Ellis knows it’s different this time, too. Having a baby can sometimes be the catalyst women need to make a break from harmful relationships.’
Sometimes. Not nearly often enough, in my professional experience.
We spoke more about Ellis and her challenges over the past few years, and how Jonah had tried – and in his opinion failed – to help her, until our food arrived. I couldn’t help noting the absence of any mention of a wife or girlfriend.
