‘Anyway, I hope there’s no one who’s going to mind this ending up being the two of us,’ I said, after the waiter had moved away.
‘What?’ Jonah squinted at me, confused.
‘Well. If you’ve got a partner, or something. She might not appreciate you having a meal with your old… not that I was ever your girlfriend or anything. A meal with a girl who used to like you?’
To love you. With everything she had.
He sat back, that rare and precious grin all over his face.
‘No partner. Or something.’
‘Okay. That’s good, then.’
‘Is it?’
Jonah’s grin faded. He looked at me, and his eyes were like rings of gold encircling vast, dark pools. I’d once told Jonah I wasn’t scared of him. That look sent shivers up my spine.
‘Well. Um. I’m not saying it’s good you’re single. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with it. Plenty of people are happily single. But, well. I wouldn’t want to have put you in an awkward situation, that’s all. You being in a relationship or not makes no difference to me, obviously.’
He raised one eyebrow. ‘That wasn’t obvious, no. But thank you for clarifying.’
Oh my goodness.
Jonah sounded as if he genuinely hoped him being single would make a difference tous.
I prattled on.
‘I mean, I’ve actually been single for years now. Happily. On purpose. So, no judgement here either way…’
Jonah mercifully switched his focus to his meal, eating a mouthful of steak and ale pie before replying.
‘Yeah. At the risk of creeping you out, I need to confess something.’
‘Oh?’ The pasta in my stomach formed a solid lump of apprehension.
‘I know you’re mum to Finn and Isla, who both love football. I know you all spent a long weekend in Dorset at Easter, and last weekend had a barbecue with Nicky and her in-laws.’
‘Um, what?’
‘I sometimes, on a lonely, sentimental day, when trying to remember a brief chapter in my life when I felt safe, and cared for, look at your family Facebook page.’
‘Oh, thank goodness for that. I was seriously starting to freak out for a moment. Phew!’ I let out a jerky laugh.
‘You don’t think it’s creepy?’
‘To occasionally look at the social media of someone you once shared a home with? Your first love?’
My cheeks were on fire, but I’d always found it impossible not to be honest with Jonah. I tried to lighten my words with a smiley eye-roll. ‘If it is, then there’s a heck of a lot of creeps out there. I’d be a creep, too, if you were considerate enough to be online.’
‘I’m surprised you don’t keep your account private, given your business.’
‘Well, that’s partly why I use my married name for work. But the Facebook profile has a specific purpose.’
I was halfway through explaining about the situation with Mum, Jonah expressing reassuring levels of astonishment and sympathy, when his phone pinged several times in rapid succession.
‘Ellis,’ he said, scanning the messages. ‘She fainted outside the chemist, so Damon—’ here, Jonah’s mouth twisted up in distaste as he continued reading ‘—took her to the antenatal clinic at King’s Mill and she had to wait ages to get checked out. She’s okay, baby’s okay. Just anaemic, and she’d not eaten. While she was waiting her phone died. Damon dropped her home, but she’s knackered and is going to bed.’
Jonah sat back with his eyes closed for a moment, blowing out a long sigh.
