‘My husband left me for his personal assistant.’
‘We know that, Millie. We even know her bra size. That is not a secret,’ Hester scolded.
‘I once went to an illegal rave.’
‘We know. A secret, please.’
‘I have an intimate piercing.’ She wiggled the relevant body part.
‘You showed us at the Christmas party. None of these are the secret on your heart, Millie!’
Millie closed her eyes, wobbling a little on her ledge, and clutched the rope tighter. ‘I’m terrified I’m going to die alone.’
Oh my goodness. Janice helped her partner down lickety-split and wrapped her in the kind of hug that says,You will not die alone; I will be with you. No matter what it takes, or how hard it is, or when or where or how. I am your friend and the only way you’ll die alone is if I go first.
Did I mention that I was crying a lot these days?
I felt more than a little nervous when it was my turn to climb. Kim had grown bored and was spending more time waving her phone about to find a signal than listening to the instructor’s recap. I stood at the bottom of the cliff face and asked her one last time, ‘Kim? Are you ready?’
‘Yeah.’ She held the rope in one hand, phone in the other.
‘You can’t be on your phone while I’m climbing. It takes two hands. If I slip, you have to support me.’
‘I know that, Faith, but you’re not climbing yet, are you?’
I glanced around, searching for the instructors, but they were busy with the sopranos. I thought about asking Marilyn to come and keep an eye on Kim, but she appeared to be snoozing along with Polly. Dylan, sitting on a large boulder enjoying the view, caught me looking around. ‘Okay?’
I jerked my head towards Kim and shrugged. ‘Just waiting for Kim to check her Twitter feed.’
He grinned. ‘You’ll be fine. I heard someone say you’re not a coward.’
That irked me. I’m not a coward, but neither am I a fool. Or so I thought, until the need to prove myself to a church minister had me launching myself up a gigantic rock, trying to ignore what Kim may or may not have been doing below me. The climb quickly took all of my focus; finding the hand and foot holds,attempting to combine heaving myself up with my arms and pushing with my feet. I could sense Rosa somewhere to the left of me, hear her humming to herself as she ascended, the pace and urgency of her notes increasing during the tricky spots.
Despite the cold wind whipping into my face and neck, I started sweating by the halfway point, the exertion of using long-forgotten muscles causing my chest to heave as I fought to catch a breath.
Someone in the soprano section had already reached the top. It sounded like Uzma, who called out, ‘Underneath these boring clothes, I wear red lace, purple silk or leopard-print underwear. I hide them in my drawer behind all the respectable white and beige bras and knickers my mother gets me. Sorry to mention unmentionables, Dylan.’
I began to slow my pace as a couple more climbers reached the top and shared their secrets. What secret would I share today?
What is the secret on your heart, Faith?
My heart was so squashed with secrets, I didn’t know where to begin.
My brother is an addict struggling to resist falling off the wagon.
I’ve done desperate things I am too ashamed to tell the man I’m going to marry.
The monster who murdered my mother is out of prison and I am filled with dread he will find us.
When the minister of Grace Chapel smiles at me, for the first time in my life, I feel beautiful.
Faith Harp is the name I call myself but it is not my name.
As it turned out, those secrets would remain in my heart that day. I placed one worn-out hand on the ridge of the clifftop, my brain churning as the secrets writhed about like a bucket of maggots. My foot, totally drained of energy from three weeks ofbroken sleep, anxiety and all my other problems, failed to keep a grip on the narrow ledge it had been balancing on. Caught off guard, my hands slipped and before my head could process what was happening, I tumbled into open space.
Unfortunately, at that moment, a teensy twinge of mobile-phone coverage allowed the text Kim’s boyfriend had sent her to ping through. Distracted, thinking I had reached the top, she failed to notice the change in slack that indicated me careening down the rock face above her.
I couldn’t see this, being lost in terror and adrenaline, but I knew in that second, I would surely die.
