No, my life did not flash before my eyes. They were closed. I may have screamed. I think I prayed. I hope God didn’t mind that my prayer was not altogether wholesome. It wouldn’t be the kind of prayer you said in church.
I guess he didn’t, because when the splat that marked my doom came, it was more of an oomph. When I managed to gasp in an almighty wheeze of air, open my eyes and wait for the world to come back into focus, I discovered myself sprawled on the ground on top of someone. Hoping hard I had bumped down slowly enough not to cause them any serious damage, I accepted Kim’s panicked hand and turned to see who I had squashed.
Dylan lay spreadeagled on the rocky earth, face pale beneath his stubble, eyes closed.
‘Faith! Dylan saved you! He like, jumped underneath the rope to catch you and you crushed him. It’s like Jesus – he sacrificed himself to save your life!’ Kim gasped.
Most of the women on the ground were unable to come and investigate, as their partners were still descending the cliff, and no one was letting their eyes off their ropes for a nanosecond after watching me bounce past them. Melody, however, having handed her rope to one instructor, now deftly checked meover, the other instructor jogging back and forth to make sure everyone else was still concentrating on getting down safely.
‘What does that make you, then, Kim?’ She tutted. ‘If Dylan’s Jesus, I think you must be the devil.’
Kim burst into tears. ‘I might as well be! Flip! My hands are shaking so hard, I can’t even call an ambulance. Dylan’s gonna die and it’s all my fault! This proves I’m a total loser. A murdering, failed loser! What’s Scotty gonna say?’
Melody, satisfied I had no more than scrapes and bruises, knelt down to examine Dylan. By now, the others had begun to gather, although Hester held them back with outstretched arms and blazing eyes. ‘Keep your distance! Melody is an accomplished medical professional. Everybody stay calm. Kim has not killed Dylan! Although I may yet kill Kim!’
Dylan confirmed this by groaning. He gingerly reached up to grasp the top of his head, opening one eye a tiny slit. ‘Woah, Faith. You’re heavier than you look,’ he rasped. ‘But I’m fine. Just winded.’
He let Melody help him up to a sitting position. ‘That didn’t turn out quite how I intended.’
‘Aah,’ Uzma said. ‘Were you supposed to catch her in your arms like a hero?’
Dylan smiled, then winced sharply, clutching his side. ‘Like a man at least. The beards over there wouldn’t have fallen over. Having said that, Faith weighs a heck of a lot for such a shrimp. Even they might’ve found it a challenge. I’m pretty impressed I didn’t drop her.’ He winked at me.
I didn’t say anything. I felt discombobulated. The adrenaline flow was withdrawing, leaving my teeth chattering and stomach nauseous. I swayed a little, causing someone to sit me on a rock while Marilyn poured sweet tea from her thermos. As the rest of the choir returned to the earth, the instructors checked everyone was all right.
After a few minutes, people drifted away to eat lunch, Kim still sobbing as she swore never to touch her phone again, once she’d tweeted how terrible she felt, and Hester beside herself at the abject failure of our trust exercise. I remained frozen on the rock, my brain in suspended animation.
‘I wouldn’t have died,’ I announced, to no one in particular. ‘I wasn’t falling fast enough. Just a broken leg, or arm, maybe.’
A broken leg or arm. People with broken legs or arms didn’t make very good waitresses. That meant they couldn’t work, and therefore couldn’t earn any money. No money meant no food, rent or anything else. It meant no shower gel or toilet paper. No hot water and no way to support my brother, let alone pay off the debts he cost me. No way to be there for him, to keep him from spiralling so far he chose never to come back.
I squeezed my engagement ring tight. Fifteenth of August. Maybe then the anxious ball of dread in my stomach would begin to melt. A fair swap for spending the rest of my life with a decent man I was fond of, loved even, but was not in love with.
I looked up, shaking my head to try to clear the pathetic, self-pitying thoughts.Buck up, Faith. Pull yourself together. Your bones are unbroken.
Dylan stood in front of me, his clear eyes serious as he watched my face.
‘How are you doing?’
I nodded. ‘Fine. Thank you. I can’t believe you did that.’
‘Well.’ He shrugged, with a wry smile. ‘I happened to be watching just as you fell. It was instinct. You landed on top of me before I even knew I’d moved.’
I bit down hard on my lip as my chin wobbled. Dylan leaned down and squeezed my shoulder, briefly.
‘I’m just glad you’re safe.’
Oh boy, how I longed to be safe. And when I thought about how his body had felt beneath me, as solid as the cliff face, hisarms wrapped tight around my chest, I wondered how someone could feel so safe, and yet so dangerous, all at the same time.
On the way home, hoping to avoid both conversation and Marilyn’s pointed stares, I asked Rosa if I could sit with her. As we rumbled back down the motorway towards Nottinghamshire, my wits slowly regathered themselves, and I asked Rosa what brought her to the UK.
‘My husband. He is not a bad man, but he drive me crazy. Spend all money on his crazy plans to make us rich. Nothing work. And now my girls grow up. One in America with soccer scholarship, one married to nice, boring man, no crazy plans. I think, I can’t stand this any more. I done my duty. But when I try to go, he cry and kiss me and I feel sorry for him and stay. This happen lots of times. Once I get all way to my sister’s house, he follow me there. That man so handsome. Like movie star. When he look at me, I am like – what you say – hypnotised. I cannot resist. So, I wait till him off on next crazy plan, and I leave. Take secret money I saved and get bus out of there. Lots of days travelling, bus, car, lorry. I okay on lorry because I have knife. Big one, look.’
She pulled out a butcher’s knife from her rucksack to show me. ‘I no let no more handsome men trick me into waste my life. Big knife keep them away.’
I didn’t ask how she had got that monstrous knife into the country.
‘Then I meet man who gets me job in England. I share flat with three women. First we wash cars, then I get job clean offices. Now I work in factory, pack boxes. Not a lot of money but I get to keep it, spend on what I want. No crazy plans likebuild zoo or make film with Lego or sell pizza made with donkey cheese. I happy now. I miss my husband kisses, and his sexy eyes, but I happy.’
