‘I don’t think that’s allowed either!’ the woman exclaimed. ‘My dear, are you in need of assistance? Shall I call the lifeguard?’
‘No. I’m fine, thank you,’ I squeezed out through my scrunched-up face and clenched teeth.
‘Well, really. If you’re both in there together of your own volition, then I’ll definitely call the lifeguard. Have you no shame? Hanky-panky in the changing rooms is against the Leisure Centre Code of Conduct.’
‘There’s nothing going on,’ Nathan called back, dropping my hand. ‘She was having a panic attack and I’m her trainer. Section four, subsection three point seven of the Brooksby Leisure Centre Code of Conduct clearly states that if a female lifeguard is not on duty, a male employee can enter the female changing rooms to attend to a female in need of medical assistance.’
The woman snorted. ‘Medical assistance! Is that what they’re calling it these days?! Kiss of life, is it? Forget the lifeguard, I’m fetching the manager.’
‘You’d better go.’ I stood as far back as I could against the cubicle wall, arms crossed against my midriff. Still close enough to see the pulse pounding in his neck, hear his accelerated breathing.
‘You’ve got time if you still want to try. I’ll walk you there. Push you in if it helps, screw section two, subsection eight point three.’
‘I don’t think I can. I made a mistake thinking I could just jump into this. I need to work up to it. Put it in the Programme. Mentally prepare. I’m really sorry for ruining your evening.’
‘If you’re sure.’ He took a step closer, ducking his head so that his gentle eyes met mine, at the same time placing one hand on my shoulder, in a gesture I’d seen him do numerous times to his team.
I bet none of his team instantly imagined him then lowering his head to bridge the vast, breathtakingly short distance between his lips and theirs, letting out a husky gasp of desire as a rush of heat nearly knocked them off their feet.
On second thoughts, I bet nearly all of them did. The difference being none of them were alone with him in a tiny cubicle.
Then, it happened.
Nathan dropped his gaze to the teensy-weensy, perfectly fitting excuse for swimwear. He froze, his fingers perceivably gripping my shoulder where before they had simply been resting. I saw his chest rise with one big inhalation, and yes, it was stupid and inappropriate and probably broke all sorts of sections and subsections of the Leisure Centre Code, but when Nathan looked up again, his pupils were dilated to enormous, bottomless black holes, ringed with silver, and I was sucked right in, leaning forwards until my barely covered, far from itsy-bitsy chest swayed dangerously close to his.
Fortunately, one of us was a normal, functioning member of society with a decent grasp on both the general protocol of public conduct and control of their own senses.
Nathan sprang back. ‘I’d better go.’
He wrenched open the door and disappeared.
By the time the manager arrived, I’d gone, too.
53
Stop Being a Loser Programme
Day One Hundred and Sixty-Two
The next morning, Nathan messaged me:
Sincere apologies for yesterday. I hope you understand I meant absolutely nothing by it, beyond helping a friend. If you want to make a formal complaint, I’ll make sure the correct procedures are followed.
Of course he would.
It hadn’t been quite the message I’d been dreaming about all night. Still, I swallowed my pride and mortification and replied:
No problem! I know you were only trying to help. You weren’t acting as my trainer, or coach, so I think no rules were broken?
I waited a few seconds then sent another one:
And it did help. A lot.
Then one more, before I started to look like the creepy kind of woman who turns up at men’s houses on Valentine’s Day and invites them to watch her swim:
Will be a hilarious story to laugh about one day.
Like, one day when I can finally face going back to the pool without feeling as though my stomach is dissolving in its own acid. Or one day when I can stop thinking about how Nathan looked at me, up close in that swimsuit, as though I was awoman,not a loser. Or at least one day when I can think about it without breaking into a flush so hot it melts my bones to mush.
