“You don’t get it.”
“What don’t I not get, Decker? That you’re sacrificing your life to protect ours? I got it.”
“If only it was that easy.” I finally looked at Decker, and saw a storm of guilt filtering through his eyes and for the first time, I saw my old friend—that boy I grew up with, hidden in those depths. “If I had only known early enough about the damn contracts on you and Regina, the two of you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
I cupped his face with both hands. “Hey. Don’t go putting all this on yourself.” The need to be close to Decker was overwhelming and I drew him in for a hug. At first, he resisted, but I didn’t let him go. Just held him tighter to me until he relented and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You’re a pain in my ass,” he said against my shoulder, before he quickly pulled away.
“Decker,” I whispered, but he shook his head like he knew what I was going to say.
“I can’t, Krew. I’m…” Decker straightened to his full height, before he averted his eyes from mine. Even though he was standing right in front of me, Decker felt miles away. “Go to bed.”
I winced at his gruff tone. “Yeah.” I cleared my throat, unable to hide the defeat coursing through me. “Good night.” I turned and made it to the first step.
“Wait.” Decker approached me cautiously, his eyes finally meeting mine. His arms hung stiffly at his sides. “Listen to me, K. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but you need to understand something about me. I’m not that guy you once knew—not anymore, and I told you that. I have to stay sharp. Because if I don’t, one or more of us could end up dead, and then the rest of us will fall. Unless the three of us live through this, we all fall down. Do you get that?”
Decker didn’t mince words. He was telling the truth, and no matter how painful his repeated rejection was—or how badly I wanted to curl into this man, he was trying to keep us alive. While me? I just wanted him, since it was my heart that needed tending. Not my dick.
“I do,” I finally conceded, but his explanation still didn’t dilute the bitterness of his rebuke.
To my surprise, Decker leaned in and brought our foreheads together. I tried not to be distracted by how close his lips were to mine. Or how his intoxicating smell—earth and musk, like a pheromone, was driving me crazy.
“Okay.” He hesitated, then pulled back slightly.
I held my breath, my eyes lasered in on his mouth.
He stood there—inches from me, and did nothing. Decker studied my face. I was about to combust and I nearly did when he leaned in, and our lips met for a brief kiss. It was barely there, almost nothing to the touch, while at the same time, it was everything to me.
I should have accepted that one tiny morsel of affection and walked away. But that subtle touch wasn’t enough for me. Like a greedy, starving man, I took the advantage I had and shoved my fingers into his messy hair, anchored his head and pushed my tongue between his delectable lips.
I ravaged his mouth, like it was the last kiss I was ever going to get. And he wasn’t fighting me either. I took all he was allowing.
Alas, he finally pushed me away. “I have shit to do.” He grabbed his gun case and duffel, and without a look my way he headed upstairs.
With a low growl of frustration, I lowered my head, feeling like a kicked puppy. I promised myself, going forward, I wouldn’t take what wasn’t offered. Yet as I savored his taste on my tongue, I knew that promise was an empty one.
There was no way I could sleep now. My mind was too caught up on how Decker’s mouth had felt, how his tongue had danced with mine. How he made my body hum.
Memories of the past—when we first touched, tasted, and took from each other, slid into my head. All of it flooded back in a cyclone of want. All of the desire I had stored up for years was about to erupt in a plume of desperate need. And if I didn’t get my emotions under control, I was going to combust.
I suspected Decker would come back down to do a safety check, I locked the front door and checked the back and made sure the multiple deadbolts were engaged. After I checked in on Regina, I went into the bedroom that was adjacent to Decker’s and closed the door.
The space wasn’t big by any means. There was a king size bed against the far wall, a nightstand next to it with an old-fashioned table clock. A tall, skinny dresser was on the wall next to the door, leaving barely enough room to walk around. that was fine, since sleep was the only thing I’d be doing in here.
There was still a chill in the room—it was at least ten degrees cooler than the lower part of the house. But the cold was a bonus because my skin felt too hot.
I stripped out of my clothes. They stank of sweat, dirt, and whatever else had gotten embedded in my t-shirt, jeans and jock during this long ass day.
I sniffed my pits and—Christ, I needed a shower. The last time I showered was the night of the almost-fight. After everything that happened in the past thirty hours, I was too tired to clean up. Shaking my head, I switched off the lamp on the nightstand and climbed into bed.
As I scissored my legs to warm the bed, I dragged the blanket over my body, causing friction along my dick, and that made my balls ache. I spat in my hand, slowly stroked my hardening shaft and let my mind wander right back to the kisses Decker, Regina and I had shared yesterday in the motel room.
While I was in jail, I had clung to the belief that the three of us would see each other again and pick up where we’d left off all those years ago. Now it seemed there was no chance for an us anymore. Then it dawned on me that for the first time in three days, since before Teke had dragged me to Chicago, I was alone, with my own thoughts. And I didn’t like it.
I pushed those thoughts out of my head, closed my eyes and refocused on my hand stroking my length. Of course, I’d rather have Decker or Regina—or both, touching me instead of my own hand. For right now though, I concentrated on how good Decker’s hand had felt back in the truck, and how Regina had tasted on my tongue.
I concentrated on each rough glide of my hand. After I spat into my palm again, I kicked off the covers, gripped my thick shaft tighter and stroked. With each slide down to the base and back up, I squeezed the tip. With my other hand, I cupped my balls, tugging on them to draw out the pleasure. My body shuddered at the anticipation of coming.
