“You’re far too kind to me,” Edward said. “I don’t think I’ve done anything to deserve this.”
“She loves you, doesn’t she?”
“She says she does. At least, she did say that. I’ve put her through so much that I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s changed her mind by now.”
“Don’t borrow trouble. She may still have those feelings. Love doesn’t just disappear, even when it’s difficult to find.”
“You can’t know that. It was never difficult for you and Nancy.”
“It’s true that we never struggled the way you are,” Colin relented. “In some ways, I wish we had. I think I would be more helpful to you if I had a story like that to tell. But I have no doubt that the pair of you can find your way to one another, even though it must seem nearly impossible right now. Remember, you love her, and she loves you, and that’s the most important thing. Everything else can be figured out along the way.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“No, not easy. But it’s not as hard as you’re making it seem either,” Colin said. “I just hope you know that. This is something you can manage.”
“What should I do?”
“Do you really need me to tell you?”
“I think I do, yes.”
“You should go home and tell her the truth,” Colin stated. “It really is that simple, Edward. Go back home and tell her that you love her.”
“And what if I’ve missed my chance? What if she no longer loves me, after everything I’ve put her through?”
Edward couldn’t deny that the thought had plagued him. He wanted to believe that he still had a chance to be with Lydia—that he could still be worthy of her love—but it was a difficult thing to accept. Now that he looked at it from a distance, he could see how hard on her he had been, and he wouldn’t have been surprised at all to find that she had had enough.
“If you’ve missed your chance, then you have,” Colin said bluntly. “There isn’t anything to be done about it if she’s tired of waiting for you.”
“I thought you would say… something different,” Edward admitted.
“You thought I would say that of course you still had a chance with her. That she would wait forever for you. Is that it?”
“Well, yes.”
“I would say that to you if I thought it would be helpful. The truth is that I don’t know, and I don’t want to lie. At least you know that she loved you once. That’s more than most gentlemen know when they have to declare themselves to the ladies they admire. I think your chances are as good as you could ask for. But if you don’t have the courage to tell her how you feel, you’ll never know.”
“It’s not courage that I lack,” Edward protested.
“Oh, yes, it is,” his brother countered. “That’s always been what you’ve lacked. You’re afraid that if you let yourself love someone else, you’ll lose the man you’re trying to be. But I’m telling you, you know yourself well enough that it won’t happen. You can do this, Edward. You’re ready to experience real love, and I know you’re going to find a way to have it in your life. And the two of you are going to be happier than you’ve ever imagined.”
CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE
All night, Edward lay awake, thinking about what his brother had said. Trying to figure out what to think about it. Trying to decide what he should do.
It was clear to him now, more than it ever had been before, that he needed to confess the truth to Lydia. He had to let her know the way he felt about her, even though it was going to be difficult. All that remained was figuring out what he was going to say and mustering up the courage to say it.
By morning, he had established one fact very clearly.
He wasn’t going to be able to focus on the meetings he was supposed to be taking today. Not with all this on his mind.
For a moment, that fact gave him pause.
Wasn’t this what he’d always worried about? Hadn’t he been afraid from the start that if he let himself be distracted by love, he would lose the ability to focus on his work? And now, that very thing was happening. It was almost enough to make him question the affection he felt for Lydia.
But no. That was wrong, and he knew it. He wasn’t distracted by love. He was distracted by the fact that he didn’t know how the story was going to end. He would feel better, be more focused, after he’d had the opportunity to talk to her. But until then, he wouldn’t feel right, and he knew it.
There was no point in staying here in Bath any longer. He wouldn’t be able to get anything done while this was unresolved. The only thing that made sense was to go home and confront it. Speak to Lydia. Find out if she could forgive him for being so slow to see the truth and tell her that she had been right all along. They did have potential, and he did want to be with her.
