“You most certainly did not have to. I don’t know what you’re thinking sometimes. Why on earth would you kiss her if your feelings for her haven’t changed?”
“I don’t know what my feelings are,” Edward admitted. “Maybe they have changed. I think about her all the time these days. She’s never out of my mind.”
“But you pushed her away after you kissed her? Why, Edward? If you’re thinking about her all the time, and you felt compelled to kiss her, what more sign do you need that this is the path you ought to pursue?”
“I have my work to focus on,” Edward said firmly. “I don’t have room in my life for weakness. You know that, Colin.”
“How many times must I tell you that love is not a weakness? Thanks to my relationship with Nancy, I feel stronger than I ever have in my life.”
“Colin, you and I are very different people, and we always have been,” Edward said. “You were never going to be a man of business. Your strength lies in your heart. I won’t take that away from you. But I’m not like you. My strength is in my mind and in my mastery of financial affairs. Trying to prioritize the desires of a lady and the demands of family would only serve to take away from my ability to do my job. It can’t be allowed.”
“So, even though you would havelikedto give in to her and kiss her again, you refuse to.”
“It’s not sensible.”
“It’sexactlyas if you slapped her. That poor young lady. She must feel so betrayed. And how are things between the two of you now?”
“Not very good,” Edward admitted. “We see little of one another. We agreed it would be best to avoid each other—she’s stopped joining me for meals.”
“Oh, Edward. When was the last time you spoke to your wife?”
“We spoke today,” Edward defended himself. “But not for very long. We crossed paths as we were each on our way out.”
“And did you say anything to her?”
“I told her she looked nice.”
* * *
“Nice? That’s all he said? Justyou look nice?”
“Well, he did say very nice,” Lydia amended.
“I can’t believe that’s the best he could do,” Nancy said indignantly. “What did his stepmother have to say?”
“Oh, I never see her anymore. She keeps to her part of the house. She has a suite of rooms. I assume she comes out for meals with Edward, but I haven’t been going to those, so our paths don’t cross lately.”
“Well, my goodness, no wonder you’re so lonely. No one in the whole house is taking the time to talk to you? You would think she’d socialize with you at the very least.”
“I think Edward might have told her to give me space.” Lydia sighed. “It’s not their fault if that’s what happened. I did tell him I wanted space.”
“But you don’t want that anymore?”
“No, but what can I say to him?” She groaned. “He kissed me, and then he rejected me, and… somehow the two of us decided that we shouldn’t even be friends. I don’t want that. Idowant us to be friends. I just don’t want it to hurt like it did at that moment when I wasn’t sure of his feelings for me, when I told him that I loved him, and he didn’t say it back. I don’t ever want to feel likethatagain.”
“Of course you don’t,” Nancy said sympathetically. “Nobody would. He should never have put you in that position. If he didn’t have feelings for you, he shouldn’t have kissed you! That was irresponsible, and frankly, I think it was cruel. I know Colin will tell him the same thing.”
“What do you mean,will tell him? You’re not going to tell Colin about this, are you?”
“I won’t tell him, but Edward probably will. I’m sure they’re together at the gentlemen’s club right now.”
“Oh, no. Do you really think so?”
“Well, Colin did tell me he was hoping to see his brother there today—Edward didn’t mention this to you?”
“Edward tells me nothing,” Lydia lamented. “There was a brief moment when the two of us actually opened up to one another and had real conversations, but ever since that kiss, it’s as if we’re strangers. That’s why he was so distant toward me in the hall today when we passed each other. You think it’s surprising that he would only say I looked nice and nothing more, but trust me, given the way things have been between the two of us, he practically composed a sonnet.”
“Oh, Lydia, I had no idea it was so bad.”
