“She won’t be happy that we’ve chosen not to have a child.”
“She’ll just have to learn to accept that as well,” Thomas said, extending a hand to her. “Now, come. Let us go back inside before the party ends, and we miss all the dancing.”
She smiled—a little more easily—and accepted his outstretched hand.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
“This room is lovely,” Horatia said. “Are you pleased with it, Your Grace?”
“I don’t want you to call me that,” Madeleine said.
“It’s what’s proper.”
“I know. But I can’t stand the thought that you’ll never say my name again, Horatia. You’ve been the closest thing I had to a mother these last few years. I know I’m a duchess now, but can’t I still be Madeleine to you?”
Horatia smiled. “While we’re alone, yes,” she said. “I might need to be formal with you in front of others.”
“I suppose I can live with that.” Madeleine went to the rocking chair in the corner of her room and sank into it.
“Oh, Madeleine, don’t sit down in that gown,” Horatia said. “It’s much too fine for you to slump in it like that. You’ll cause it to wrinkle. Come, let’s get you out of it and into your nightclothes, and then you can do whatever you’d like.”
Though Madeleine didn’t want to get up, she knew Horatia was right. She sighed and got to her feet.
Horatia began to unlace the gown. “Really, I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” she said. “I’ve never seen you in such a foul mood, and you would think you’d be happy today. I know you were anxious about this marriage, but you took matters into your own hands when you decided to wear this gown instead of the one the Dowager Duchess chose for you. Didn’t that decision make you happy?”
“It did,” Madeleine said. “At least, for a little while, it did. I’m afraid she might be angry with me.”
“You knew that was the risk you were taking when you decided to wear this gown.” Horatia had finished unlacing it now, and she eased it carefully over Madeleine’s head. She took it over to the wardrobe and hung it up with care. “You knew she might be angry, and you decided it was worth it. Have you changed your mind?”
“No,” Madeleine said. “I just wish she would say something so that I wouldknowhow she felt. I don’t like having to wonder about it.”
“I’m sure she’ll talk to you about it tomorrow,” Horatia said. “I would have thought you would be happy to have tonight to yourself. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? To be able to spend your first evening at Westcourt on your own rather than worrying about your obligations to your new husband?”
“I’m beginning to think I won’t have any obligations to my new husband at all,” Madeleine admitted.
“Now, what makes you say that?”
She sighed. “He told me he doesn’t want to have a child.”
“He doesn’t?” Horatia raised her eyebrows. “Well, that is a surprise.”
“I don’t know what to think. You were right when you said he would need an heir, but now he doesn’t want one, and I think it must be because of me.”
“You think he’d want to if he had married someone else?”
“He as good as told me so, Horatia. He said we shouldn’t have a child because our marriage had been arranged to prevent a scandal. Doesn’t that sound like he would have wanted a child if he had married someone else?”
“I have to admit, it does,” Horatia said slowly. “But you mustn’t blame yourself for that, Madeleine. He made the decision. He knew what he was agreeing to.”
Madeleine shook her head. “It isn’t that I blame myself, exactly,” she said. “I don’t know why I feel so sad about this.”
“You are sad, then? You do seem very down, but I thought this would be a reprieve for you. Didn’t you say that you weren’t sure you wanted to have a child?”
“I always wanted to,” Madeleine said. “I knew I couldn’t because of my curse. But it’s not as if I didn’t harbor a dream of becoming a mother, even if I knew it couldn’t come true. But I resigned myself long ago to the fact that that dream would never be a reality. But I always thought I would have the option,” Madeleine explained. “I always thought that it would happen eventually, I suppose, whether I wanted it to or not. And even though it was frightening, there was a part of me that looked forward to what it would be like to be a mother. To have a baby. I never realized that I felt that way until the opportunity was gone. Now that I know it will never happen for me—yes, I feel as if I’ve lost something.”
“You don’t need to despair,” Horatia said. “Perhaps he’ll change his mind, given time. You can’t be sure that what he says tonight reflects how he’ll feel forever.”
“But what if it does? What if any hope for ever starting a family is already gone?”
