“Of course you have a choice.” He was shocked. “Do you think I would force you?”
“I’m your wife. And you need an heir. If I’m unwilling—”
He couldn’t bear to hear her talk that way anymore. “If you’re unwilling, that’s your decision,” he told her firmly. “But you mustn’t think I would ever force you into anything you don’t wish to do, Madeleine. I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of man because I’m not.”
She frowned. “But you need an heir,” she said again. “I don’t understand what you’re going to do about that.”
“I don’t want you to worry about this,” he said. “The truth is, Madeleine, I don’t think I want to have a child either.” He sighed. He should have told her this right away—he would have done so if he had known she was this worried about it. “That’s not something I’ve ever wanted.”
“You…don’twant a child?”
“I never have,” he said. “I won’t expect you to give me an heir. So you don’t need to spend any more time worrying about that. All right?”
She was still frowning, and he didn’t quite understand why. Wasn’t this what she had wanted? She should be happy about it—but it didn’t seem like she was.
“Is something else wrong?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “No, that’s…I think that’s good news. I’m shocked to hear it, though. I was sure, when my lady’s maid mentioned this, she was right. That you would want an heir to the Dukedom. I know your mother well enough to know that’s something she would want.”
“It’s not up to her,” Thomas said. “It’s up to us.”
“But why don’t you want a child? I don’t understand.”
He hesitated.
He had just lectured her about the importance of being willing to open up about her fears now that they were married. But did that apply to him equally? He didn’t think so. She was his wife. She was to be protected from his worries. She shouldn’t have to hear about them.
And besides, he had never spoken to anyone outside his own family about the shame his father had caused him. He had never shared his worries with anyone else—the concern that he might harm his family in the same way. He had never told anyone that he was reluctant to marry because he thought he might cause the same pain his father had caused to his wife—and his children.
He couldn’t tell her that now.
So he told her something else, something that was also true. “Our marriage was brought about by a scandal,” he explained. “We married to protect our reputations, but it wasn’t a marriage born of love.”
She looked taken aback, and he regretted how he had said that. What if she was offended? What if she thought he was saying he didn’t care about her at all? That wasn’t the truth…
He tried to clarify. “What I mean is…we don’t know what we are to one another,” he said. “We don’t know anything about how close we’ll be able to be. It’s possible that there will never be any feelings shared between the two of us. And if that’s the case, it would be wrong for me to insist on that kind of relationship just so I could have an heir. It would be wrong of me to force you into something you didn’t want.”
“Most gentlemen wouldn’t think of it like that,” she murmured.
“Any gentleman of class would. It would be awful to force a lady to have a child with someone she didn’t want to have a child with. I would never do that to you. And I would never do it to myself, either,” he added quickly, lest the turn of this conversation make her feel pressured to lie about her feelings. “I knew when you and I got into this arrangement that things wouldn’t be like that between us. It’s a marriage to protect ourselves socially. That’s all.”
“Oh,” Madeleine said quietly.
“Does that displease you?”
“No—it makes sense,” she said. “I’m grateful to you for taking the time to explain that to me. Thank you.”
“You still don’t seem happy.”
She smiled at him, but he thought the smile looked a bit forced. It wasn’t the same free smile she had given him at the church.
But her words didn’t match the hesitation in her expression. “Of course I’m happy,” she said. “It’s my wedding day, after all. I suppose I’m just a little worried about what your mother’s response to all will be.”
“Well, don’t worry about Mother. I’ll take care of her.”
“You’ll explain to her why I’m wearing this gown?”
“I will. She’ll move on from that quickly.”
