Ignoring her cheery greeting, I ask for her help. “Helen, I’m looking for a letter from Eli that he wrote seven years ago. Do you have any idea where it could be?”
There’s a stunned silence from the other end of the phone. Helen takes her time to answer me. “Oh, so today is the day then. Lou left me instructions if you ever asked about those. Sweet girl, try to understand that my sister had only good intentions and tried to do what was best for you. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way. They are there in a small blue box in my attic.”
I’m left even more confused. It’s like there is more than one letter and everyone else knew but me. Eli wasn’t lying when he told me that. Worst of all, Grandma Lou knew about it all those years. She watched me cry over him repeatedly. I think I’ll never understand her reasoning behind all her actions.
Due to my shock, I end the call with Helen after a quick bye, unable to summon more words. Feeling dazed, I pull over at the next gas station. I need to take a moment to chill and get my appearance under control. Glancing at the rearview mirror, I start laughing hysterically. My mascara has run down my face, my eyes are puffy, and my nose is red like Rudolph’s.
My hysterical laugh soon turns into crying. There’s no way they’ll let me buy a last-minute ticket if I look like I’ve been on a bender. I need to fix my face after my tears stop falling. I go through my duffel bag to find my makeup bag, but it isn’t there.
Son of a bird. No, no, no.I left all my cosmetics by the sink in the main bathroom.Because life just couldn’t be easy today.
It looks like I need to go home first and then to Nebraska. Three hundred dollars later, I’ve got a ticket to Omaha. My flight departs in four hours and I have enough time to freshen up and pack.
Timmy is the only one home when I get there. His door is closed, but I can hear the music coming from his room. I know I can’t avoid him forever, so I knock.
“Who’s there?” he shouts before lowering the volume.
“It’s me, Rose. Um, I need to catch a flight to Nebraska. Can I give you Eli’s car keys as the long-term parking at LaGuardia is way too expensive?”
Timmy opens the door and looks at me like I just grew a second head. “Isn’t Eli like a multimillionaire? He can surely afford the long-term parking if he’s the reason you look like that.”
Not being able to stop my laugh, I let out a loud giggle and wink at him. He isn’t wrong. I still leave the keys to the side table in the hallway. I don’t want to waste money on something unnecessary.
“And if he asks, we didn’t have this conversation. Take care, hun. And give all my love to your family.” Timmy says, hugging me.
I love him and all my roommates beyond words.
And I want them to know it.
“Thanks, Timmy. You know that I love you, right?”
“There never was any doubt about that. I love you too, my little Rosie.” He says and goes back to his room.
* * *
The TSA agent at the security takes a moment too long to go through my bag. I feel like all eyes are on me. Trying to act normal, I smile at the agent and ask how their day is going. As an answer, they slam my bag in front of me and tell me to have a good flight.Okay then.
Walking to my gate, I notice that I have over half an hour until the boarding starts. I order a latte and pick up something to eat before it’s time for boarding.
The flight goes surprisingly smooth. I work on my laptop the whole time, finishing as much as I can of the article.
Once we land, I’m one of the first people out of the plane and I walk straight to the car rental desk.
I drive to my family’s place in a haze. I can’t believe I’m here again. Passing all the shops and the police station on Main Street, I wonder if I will ever enjoy this town again. All the old memories surely make this place look horrible. I’m convinced that I don’t miss the place itself as much as I thought after meeting Alina earlier this year. I only missed my family back then.
As I turn into the driveway, Helen and my dad are waiting for me. They greet me with hugs and lead me up to the attic. It becomes clear that nobody has been there since my last visit. All the surfaces are covered in dust, and the air feels thick. I hunch down so my head doesn’t hit the ceiling and look around, deciding to open the built-in linen closet in the corner first.
I check the drawers opposite the linen closet next. Like Helen described earlier, I find a small robin blue box inside the bottom drawer. This must be where my Grandma Lou put the letters for me.
Once I open the box, there’s only a note and a key taped to the bottom—nothing else.
Top drawer of my desk. Love you, my sunshine.
That nickname doesn’t make me want to cringe for the first time in years. I run down to the office and find Grandma Lou’s antique desk. I loved trailing my fingers along its varnished surface when I was growing up. Taking the key, my hand shakes uncontrollably.
Opening the lock, I tug on the drawer. It’s stuck. I jiggle the drawer gently, and once it finally opens, I gasp before covering my mouth in surprise. I sit down on a desk chair before going through everything. My whole body is shaking.
There are photos of them all—my parents, grandparents, great aunt Helen, and her former partner are smiling back at me. Of course, I’m also a star in many of them. They all have matching handwritten notes on the back. Grandma Lou’s cursive handwriting tells me when each photo was taken and other facts about that day or event.
