There’s no shame in saying no if your mental health needs it.
* * *
Waking up the following day, my head feels like it could explode while my chest hurts—a telling sign of a panic attack. I need to focus on something different to blast off my anxiety. I start going downstairs and look around, I begin by listing five things I can see.
My reflection in the mirror.
The light blue wall next to me.
Marianne’s framed black and white photos.
Fresh flowers on the side table closest to the kitchen.
And Timmy’s shoes in the middle of the hallway.
Those are just where he left them last night. It makes me smile even though my mood isn’t anywhere near positive. Typical Timmy. He has never been the cleanest person.
I think of four things I can physically feel or touch next.
The rug underneath my bare feet.
The comfy old sweater I am wearing hugs my body with its warmth.
My rapidly beating heart.
And the silver ring on my left middle finger. I roll it around a few times to feel its cold metal against my skin. It calms me down a bit more.
Closing my eyes and listening closely, I can make out Pickles’ quiet snores on the sofa. I also hear the neighbor’s baby crying in the distance and the dryer in our laundry room.
Those are three things I can hear right now.Good.
Once in the kitchen, I fill my favorite cup with coffee and continue the exercise I learned when I was younger.
Two things I can smell.
I smell coffee I just poured into my cup and then the flowers near me. I walk over and take a long sniff. The smell reminds me of summer and my mother’s favorite perfume. It’s weird how different scents are associated with many things depending on who you ask.
I wish we always had fresh flowers, they make me feel lighter. This bouquet has many colors and shapes. I bet Haisley picked it up last night from her favorite florist shop.
One more thing left.
Taking a sip of my coffee, I taste the hazelnut creamer I bought last week. It used to be Grandma Lou’s favorite too. While I think about her and her smile, my heart slows down, and my breathing evens out. It’s like she’s with me whenever I have her favorite drink. Something so simple yet priceless. She always managed to ground me, just like now.
Too bad she can’t be here to help me more.
Grandma Lou, please help me. I need answers.
9
ELI
My phone rings in my home office while I’m downstairs preparing a quick snack between the chapters of my latest crime novel read. Thinking it’s Rose, I sprint up the stairs. The fastest man on Earth has nothing on me.
It’s my older sister Claire instead. I know why she’s calling—it’s our mom’s birthday next week. We try to catch up during birthdays and holidays to remember our parents and share the memories.
“Hi, Claire, what’s up?” I say to the phone.
“Can’t a big sister just call her little brother without needing a reason?” Claire chuckles and then adds, “Peanut’s taking a nap, and Dex is out of town for business, so I just wanted to hear a familiar voice. How are you doing?” Claire asks me as I get back downstairs.
