You behave, Mr. Dalton. Otherwise, I have to ask someone else to cover the rest for me.Best regards, Rose
Let’s see what happens now. Eli can decide how he wants us to continue. Isn’t that what guys like him do? Being in control is like their catnip. They would do anything for it.
At least, I hope Eli does. That way, he will finally show me how he feels. Even though I just tossed him the ball, the game is still happening on my court. He just doesn’t know it.
* * *
Heading to my therapy session with Ruth that evening, I’m still in a daze and don’t know what to think. It’s hard to gather my thoughts after years of assuming the worst about why Eli never contacted me again.
What if the things aren’t as black and white as I thought? Maybe there is gray mixed in too.
The cozy decor in Ruth’s office makes me relax instantly—soft lighting, warm earthy colors, and little details around the room make me feel at ease. The walls are warm yellow, and dark wooden bookshelves against them bring contrast. When I first came here, I spent the session going through Ruth’s books and things she collected during her travels across the world. My favorite is the small red wooden elephant that she purchased in Kenya.
Lounging on one of the soft dark orange chairs across from Ruth, I smile at her. Finding Ruth took a long time after moving to the city. She’s been a blessing because she’s one of the few people I trust with my life.
Ruth is in her mid-fifties and loves wearing black. We often joke about her ability to find different shades of black to fill her closet with. Today she’s wearing a long-sleeved dress and printed pantyhose. Ruth’s ash brown medium-length hair is neatly combed and parted in the middle as always. Her presence and predictability bring calmness to my life.
Her brown eyes, the same color as mine, watch me with a questioning look. She likes it when her patients have the first turn to speak.
I have no idea what to say, so I do the one thing I know the best. I blurt all my thoughts in a fast string of words.
“I saw Eli Parker yesterday. I went to interview him and um… I’m still a bit shocked. Could we talk about that today? Because I could use some advice. Actually, um, I really need some advice right about now.”
There’s silence in the room. I glance at Ruth as she sips her chamomile tea. She always has it nearby.
“Ruth, did you hear me?”
She smiles at me and speaks calmly, “Rose, I’m not sure if I heard you right. Could you kindly repeat what you just said after counting to ten?”
I start counting in my head, when I finish, I clear my throat and try again. I repeat my words, but in a calm manner, turning one of my rings as I speak.
Ruth nods. “Well, that’s interesting. How do you feel about it?”
“Fine. I guess. I mean—”
I trail off, letting the silence hang between us while I fidget with my shirt sleeve. I always need something to touch during our sessions.
“It’s just so damn hard, Ruth. He was a big part of my life and one of the reasons why I moved away. It’s such a huge shock that I just happened to run into him here in the city of millions. Just like that, he came back to my life.”
Ruth writes in her notepad and says, “Let’s think about it from another point of view. What do youwishcould have happened yesterday instead?”
Not knowing how to answer that question, I start with the truth.
”It might be easier to tell you what I wish didn’t happen.” I take a deep breath and continue. “The chemistry was there and so were the stolen glances. It’s too much right now because I see Eli as a risk when I’m thinking about my future. And seeing him again freaking scares me.”
That’s all I get out before I feel the first tear running down my face. Ruth hands me a tissue box, and I take one. She waits until I have blown my nose and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“Rose, it sounds like it’s finally time for you to leave the past behind and focus on now. Try to get to know him asElijah Daltoninstead of Eli Parker. Remember, he’s also changed since the events seven years ago. Have you set up a time for your next meeting yet?”
“No, we just talked about doing the rest of the interview and how his team wants me to spend a day with him. I couldn’t say no to it. My boss would be unhappy if I declined an opportunity like that. Eli also requested me and no one else, so I can’t just pass it to someone else. I’ll learn so much by spending time with him and seeing how he lives and works.” I tell her honestly.
“Sounds like you have it figured out then. Remember, if you feel uncomfortable at any point, you don’t have to continue. There’s no shame in saying no if your mental health needs it.” Ruth reminds me.
We spend the rest of the session discussing the interview with Eli more in detail. Ruth also wants to know what could have helped me to feel prepared. After going over my medical prescription renewal and getting the correct paperwork done, we say our goodbyes.
As I leave her office and step into the warm evening air, I’m more confused than before walking in. Usually, my sessions with Ruth help, but it always feels different after talking about him and our past.
When I get home an hour later, I write down the words Ruth said on a pink post-it note. I stick it above my desk as a reminder:
