Chapter Twenty Six
Her suitcase was in her SUV, which left Alice with no clothes. To ensure that she didn't turn into her worst nightmare, she found a clean pair of John's sweats and his FBI t-shirt. She'd smell like him, but at least she'd have layers. The last thing she'd do was sleep next to him, naked, again.
John got out of the shower connected to his bedroom. She feigned interest in the hem of her shirt, but as he came closer it became harder to miss how solid his muscles were above the towel at his hips. At the moment she couldn't think or speak. This wasn't good at all. Next, she'd be his slave and do everything in her power to stay. To avoid his gaze she jumped into bed and hid under the covers.
The weight on the bed shifted. He must have sat. Then his hands rubbed her shoulders. "Are you tired?"
The night sky wasn't black yet, but that wasn't a polite answer. She stared at the blanket that covered her face. "Not really."
"Can we talk?"
If she'd stop being a child? She prayed he had a shirt on—those biceps of his made him hard to resist. "Okay."
"Come out from the covers then."
Seduction never started with someone acting like she was at the moment. She sat up and then froze. No shirt, and his boxers left his powerful legs exposed. One flex of his muscles, and she'd quiver with excitement. "John, I'm scared."
A sigh escaped her lips. It was too late to take her foolish behavior back and ask for a repeat of this entire evening.
He rubbed her shoulders and her muscles trembled at his touch. He took away knots that she hadn't known existed in her body.
"I'll protect you from whoever is out there. We'll get the bad guy soon."
"Not just that …." Words escaped her. She licked her lips and gazed at a drop of water that trickled down his abdomen. Alice reached for his discarded towel and dried him off so she could avoid eye contact. "That being with you, I lose me."
He wrapped his hands around hers. She dropped the towel. They sat in silence until she met his concerned gaze. "That hurts," he said. "I know I've never had a normal family to know what I'm supposed to do in situations, but I promise I do listen."
Sympathy shouldn't sway her. "John, I've never been on my own, not really."
He fixed her hair behind her ear. Her cheek moved to keep the physical contact. "And that's important to you?"
With a lift of her chin, she came closer to his lips. Breathless, she turned her face away. "Yeah. It's been my plan for the last year on how I'd survive. Independence was my prayer and now this roller coaster of a situation with you leaves me lost."
His fingers brushed against her cheek. "It's the opposite for me."
Luckily she was on the bed already because she might have toppled over with how weak her knees became at the look on his face. "How?"
His words were soft. "With you, my life feels complete. We can't force that on each other, though. In the end, if you need to walk away, I'll have to respect that."
The smell of cedar and pine overwhelmed her. The taste of him watered in her mouth. Every cell in her body ached for his touch. "I'm sorry I hurt you. For right now, kiss me."
He shifted backwards on the bed. "You said earlier no kissing."
She reached over and ran her hand through his hair. His gaze softened as he stared into her eyes. She shifted to be closer to him. "I changed my mind. I want to feel every moment with you."
He gathered her hands and held them over his heart. With bated breath she waited for whatever he'd say. His eyebrows rose. "Why?"
The pang in her heart grew. There was no escape. She had to tell him everything. "Butterflies soar every time you stroke my body. John, without you, I've been half-dead on the inside, and you've woken me up. It scares me, but I want you so bad that I ache."
She stroked his neck, then kissed where her hand had touched. A moan of delight rumbled through him. "You confuse me."
He traced her sides—she kissed his cheek as the fire inside her grew. He had to kiss her again. "Don't think," she whispered. "Let's just feel."
His grip tightened around her waist, and then whatever dam held him back broke. His lips claimed hers, hard and demanding. Her body slackened as she leaned into him to give him more room.
His fingers caressed her backside. The feel of his hands on her had to be skin to skin. The sweats were unnecessary and a wall. Right now, she needed him. She pulled back from his kiss, and lifted her body to throw the sweats and underwear across the room.
His hands fell to his sides. "Alice, we don't have to."
