“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “That was unfair of me.”
He shakes his head. “No, baby. It’s what you’re used to. Hell, you came home from your high school graduation to find your apartment empty. Your dad left and took your damn bed. People leave. I get it. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I hold on tightly to him, tears still falling from my eyes.
“That’s it,” he soothes. “Cry and rage, punch me if it’ll make you feel better.”
“Why would that make me feel better?” I sniffle.
“Because I wasn’t there when you needed me,” he says, his voice breaking.
“Knox, that wasn’t your fault.”
“Doesn’t matter. It still hurt you.”
“Hitting you would never make me feel better. I’m not the violent type. Besides, if I start whaling on you, you’ll stop holding me.”
“Nope,” he says. “I’ll never stop holding you.”
And in that moment, I start to believe him.
Chapter 23
Knox
Every Psych textbookI’ve ever read would support the theory that I’m in deep denial and avoidance.
Accurate.
I need to confront my mother. I need to cut her toxic shit out of my life. After what she did to Willa, there’s no doubt about that. If some quirk of fate hadn’t led Willa to Bainbridge, I’d never have met my daughter. She’d grow up thinking I never wanted anything to do with her. I know that feeling too well, and just the thought makes me ragey.
But kicking my mom out of my life means saying goodbye to Ronin, and that’s not something I can do.
Add in the fact that life with my mom is like a chess game where she’s the one with the rulebook? Yea, I’m fucked, no matter what.
But I can’t dwell on that. Not today.
Today, we celebrate. Christmas is still a few days off, and my birthday is a week after that, but today is better than both of those combined.
The first bit of good news is that Willa got accepted into her program, and she starts in a couple weeks.
But the even better news is that she and Rose are officially moving in. We’ve been switching furniture around all morning and unpacking boxes. And any minute now, a delivery van will pull up with my brand-new mattress. Willa rolled her eyes at me, but this is a new start for both of us, and I don’t want my past to interfere with our future.
Once all that’s done, my crew is taking Rose to the holiday festival in town for the evening so Willa and I can have a date night. I’m grateful, but a little panicked. For all my, uh, experience…. I’ve never planned an actual date. That’s both ridiculous and embarrassing, but it’s also true.
When I spot Ty and Whit in the kitchen, I seize the opportunity.
“Hey, shouldn’t you be unpacking stuff?”
“Nah,” I tell Ty. “Willa didn’t bring much and I’m not fucking with her system of organization. My job is to lift shit up and put it back down.”
“Fair. So what’s up? You’re doing that thing where you shift your weight back and forth between your feet.”
I look down and realize he’s right. Observant fucker.
“You guys have Rose tonight, right?”
Whit’s fucking giddy. “Yep. And it’s going to be awesome. There’s a train ride, you can dip your own candy apples, and there’s caroling. Guess who’s gonna win that?”
