“It’s fine, but it’s getting late, and if your phone keeps going off, I’m afraid she’s going to wake up.”
“Sorry about that. My buddy Caden was messaging. But it’s nothing important. I have Ronin’s concert tomorrow night, but I was wondering if you guys have plans Thursday?”
“We do story time at the library Thursday.”
“That’s great. Can I come? We could get dinner beforehand?”
I shake my head. “I pick Rose up from daycare and we head straight there.”
“Yea, cool. Maybe after?”
I sigh. “Then it’s home for bath and bedtime. Like I said, routines are pretty important, so I’d rather not mess with them.”
“Sure, yea. I get that. Just let me know what time and I’ll meet you guys there,” he tells me, when his phone starts up again. “Dammit. That’s Caden again. Sorry,” he apologizes.
Looking down at the phone in his hand, I read the screen. “It says Aubrey…”
He holds down the button and powers down the phone. “Jesus. Um, I don’t even know anyone named Aubrey, I swear. Caden wants to go out tonight, but—”
I shrug, needing to be done with this conversation. I can see that he’s trying with Rose, but it’s clear that his life and mine are at very different places. “That’s fine. Have fun tonight. I’ll let you know when I’ve taken Rose to the clinic.”
“Wait, no. You don’t understand. I’m not going out. I don’t even want to. This—tonight— was awesome.”
“Awesome?”
“Yes. I’m serious.”
“Ok, but it’s not always this easy. And what happens when you get tired of it? What happens when your friends call and you’d rather go out with them?”
“I won’t. Look, my phone’s off. Can we just—”
I shake my head. “I think we need to call it a night, ok? I’m tired, I still need to shower, and I just...can’t do this right now, ok? You came and spent time with Rose, and that was great, but now it’s time for you to go.”
“Got it,” he says, defeat clear in the set of his shoulders. That shouldn’t make my heart ache. He’s the one who’s probably about to walk out my door and head straight for a frat party. What the hell is my traitorous heart doing, mourning what never really was?
He looks at me. “Are we still on for Thursday? Text me the time and I’ll be there.”
“It’s at six.”
“I’ll be there,” he says, “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m all in.”
Knox turns to go, and I’m stuck there in my shared apartment, wishing I could believe him, and cursing myself for wanting to.
* * *
Willa
A day later, I busy myself in the kitchen while Rose sits in her highchair, grabbing at Cheerios. I hear the sound of a key in the lock and Rose starts clapping and saying “E! E!” as Ian walks in.
“My two favorite girls!” he says, smiling as he hangs his bag and jacket on the hook, then steps into the kitchen to wash his hands before crossing to the table to sit next to Rose. I love a man who hates germs as much as I do.
“It’s so unfair that she says your name, but not mine,” I grumble good-naturedly as I chop an onion.
“In all fairness, it’s not my full name, and the ‘ee’ sound is one of the easiest sounds for a baby to make.”
“So is ‘mmm’, but she hasn’t said ‘mama’ yet,” I complain, but at my mention of the “m” word, she turns in my direction.
“Rosebud, you gotta help me out and start sayingmama, ok?” Ian pleads as she tries to offer him a sticky Cheerio.“You all done? Want to get down and play while your mama makes dinner?” He looks at me for approval, and of course, I nod.
