Tears run down my cheeks, and I don’t try to wipe them away. They’ll just keep falling. I was a fool to think Knox was different. A fool to believe his lies. A fool to be taken in by his charm.
So, today, I’ll cry and wallow because I’ve fucking earned it.
But tomorrow, I’ll wake up and keep moving forward. I don’t have any other choice.
Chapter 7
Willa
Present Day,Late November, about a year and a half after graduation
Finally,there’s a lull in the coffee shop, so I turn to Ian to ask the question that’s been on my mind since I got home last night and found the letter from the landlord on my doorstep.
Ian’s a great boss. He’s more than that—he’s a friend. We work a lot of shifts together and have become super close in a short span of time. I’ve never been one to make friends easily, but Ian didn’t give me a choice. He just decided we’d be besties, and that was that.
Still, I hate to ask for special consideration, especially since I’ve only been here for a couple months. I’d been working in a diner outside D.C. since the summer after graduation—that was as far as I could get with what I’d saved. But the hours were awful, and the cost of living was crazy expensive. I needed a change in so many ways. So, when one of the other waitresses made the move across the bridge to a little shore town, I tagged along. We got an apartment together and everything was good. I even found this campus coffee shop to work in. But then, Jada moved in with her boyfriend, and I was stuck paying all the rent.
Then I got notice last night that my rent is increasing, and I thought my head was going to explode. If I can adjust my hours here a smidge, I can pick up more hours at my other job, and hopefully keep myself—and my little girl—afloat. If that won’t work, we’ll have to move. The idea of apartment hunting again does not appeal to me. I hate to ask Ian to mess with the schedule, but I have to. Summoning courage and doing hard things are skills I’ve sharpened in the last year, so I take a breath and dive in. “Ian, I, um, wanted to talk to you about the schedule, if you have a second?”
“Always,” he says, smiling. “What's up?”
“So, I’m wondering if I could start a little earlier? I want to keep the same number of hours; I just need to scooch them up a bit, if that makes sense?”
“Yea, we can make that work. Let me grab the iPad.”
He keys in the code and brings up the schedule, which is kind of a mess. It changes so often, given everyone’s class schedules. I’m not a student here at Bainbridge, so I’ve been a low-maintenance employee so far. But that’s about to change.
“What are you thinking? An 8 a.m. start? You’d finish at one. Will that work?”
“It should, but that means you’d work a split shift. I don’t want to do that to you,” I hesitate.
“What’s up? Did Rose’s daycare schedule change?”
“No, our rent went up. I just got the letter last night. And you know how I clean one day a week? Brenda said she can get me a few more days, at least. So, if I can leave here at one, I can get a couple jobs in by six when I need to pick up Rose. Some houses take a lot of time, some not so much, but I’ll figure it out.”
Ian pushes his glasses up and twists his apron strings—sure signs he’s thinking. “But that leaves you less time together with Rose in the morning, right?”
“Ouch. Way to hit a girl when she’s down. Yes, it does,” I admit, wiping down the already clean counter. “But it also keeps a roof over our heads, so...it’s a sacrifice I have to make.”
“Move in with me,” my boss says, like it’s the most logical idea in the world.
“I can’t do that,” I sputter.
“Why not? My place is closer to campus, Rose loves me, and you and I get along great. I’m a Type A neat freak of the highest order, but you know that, and you love me for it. I’m rarely home, so you and Rose will still have your privacy. You’ll also have the added bonus of living with an adult who can do dishes, fold laundry, and soothe a cranky baby. I have an extra room that sits empty except for two bookshelves. You and Rose are welcome to it; I’ll charge way less than what you’re paying now, so you’ll actually be saving money.”
“Ian, that’s insanely generous, but I can’t accept that.”
“Look, if it weirds you out or something, that’s fine. But just think about it. It’s a good idea. We’re always hanging out anyway, and Rose loves me.”
It is. It’s a great idea. Ian is my favorite co-worker, and our personalities mesh so well. “But won’t we cramp your style? I mean, you have a life, Ian. Living with me and my nine-month-old can’t be conducive to your bachelor lifestyle.”
“Bachelor lifestyle?” He looks behind himself. “Do you even know who you’re talking to right now? I have no social life. I’ve got this place and my TA gig. There’s no time for anything else. Besides, Christian and I are long over, much to Mel’s delight. Turns out he really is the asshole Mel always knew him to be.”
“But what about Kyle, that cute guy with the curly hair who was hanging around here, ordering oatmilk lattes like they’re going out of style?”
“That’s not happening. He was bi-curious, which is fine. No shade to anyone, regardless of where they find themselves on the sexuality spectrum. Hell, the spectrum itself is fluid. But he required a level of secrecy I’m just not comfortable with. He’s so deep in the closet that he can’t see the doorknob. While I’d never judge someone for that, I’m also not at a place in my life where I can be the one to coach a guy as he explores his sexual identity. I’m a gay. It’s what I do. It’s who I am and who I’ve always been. And I’m not going to tiptoe around while a straight guy uses me to figure out who he really is.”
“Fair enough,” I say. Ian’s the most genuine person I know. If anyone deserves pure, honest love, it’s him. But apparently, that kind of love is hard to come by.
