The thoughts were cruel, but they had me pushing out of his hold and out of bed. I needed to get to the bathroom. Nathan didn’t follow, knowing I needed the space. I splashed cool water from the faucet over my face, the throb in my head starting to subside.
Freedom. Time away from his family. Time away from... me.
Chapter 23
Nathan
The coffee pot hissed as it started to fill.
It had spoken volumes when Chase hadn’t even responded to my explanation. He’d just gotten up and walked away. I’d be pretty pissed at me as well. He was still in the bathroom, and the sink kept turning on and off.
What surprised me was that Max and Uncle Drew hadn’t shown up yet. It wasn’t like my uncle to sleep in so late. He was always up way before me.
A peek out the window showed that his truck was missing from the driveway. Maybe he’d left to give Chase and me some space this morning. He knew we were back on, so I couldn't blame him for expecting something to happen. With how drunk Chase had been when his friend had called me last night, there wasn’t a chance.
When Chase finally emerged from the bathroom, he gave me a tight smile before perching on one of the stools at the kitchen island. He still only wore his underwear, but it didn’t matter when there was no one else here besides the two of us. I poured him a mug of coffee and set it in front of him with the creamer from thefridge. He dumped a healthy amount into his steaming cup before taking a long sip.
My skin itched as the silence of the morning stretched in front of us. He had to have some sort of thoughts about why I hadn’t come back.
“Chase,” I finally said when I couldn’t bear the quiet any further.
He held up his finger to make me wait as he took another sip of his coffee. He slid from the stool and then wandered down the hall to the laundry room. The noise of the dryer slamming closed sounded like the lid to the coffin closing.
I’d killed it all. When Chase reappeared, his t-shirt was on, and he was snapping his jeans in place. He bent down to pull his socks on and then walked to the door and shoved his feet in his shoes. He looked around the room, a look of loss on his face.
“Where’s my hat?”
It was in my room, but the stupid and selfish part of me decided that if this was him walking out of my life for good, I wanted to keep it. I wanted a part of him to remember the best thing that had ever happened to me. The biggest thing I’d ever messed up.
When I continued to say nothing, Chase shrugged and walked right out the front door. It slammed closed behind him, and I struggled to breathe with the way my chest ached. It closed in on itself. A deep cavern forming. Something sank into my heart,ripping it to tiny shreds as he walked away, and I knew it was because I’d fucked it all up.
Three hours.
I stared at a blank screen on my computer for three hours, willing myself to turn it on, pull up the internet browser, and start looking for jobs again. It still felt like the biggest waste of my time. There was only so much rejection a person could take before they said fuck it and threw in the towel. I was fast approaching the moment where I settled and realized that using my degree was a dream andonlya dream.
The front door slammed, and I waited for the sound of paws against the hardwood floors that didn’t come. It was silent and with my heart pounding wildly, I climbed to my feet and went to investigate who was there.
The blond god in the room was unexpected. He’d changed his clothes from the ones we’d washed. He was in loose khaki cargo shorts and a green tank, a new Seattle Mariners hat on his head.
“You–you came back?”
Chase took his hat off before he basically floated across the room to me. Damn, I needed to look into the magic that took place in my uncle’s living room. It was like a movie set up in there.
He stuffed the hat in the back of his shorts.
“Nate...”
Well... fuck me. This wasn’t about forgiveness. This was about getting back into bed. And with the way the last few days had gone, maybe I’d be okay taking anything I could get from him.
“I...” I couldn’t swallow. My throat closed off because while I wanted to be okay with that thought, I wasn’t. I really,reallywasn’t.
Chase sighed, closed his hand behind my neck, and pulled me in for the softest kiss. There was something different about it. It wasn’t the hurried, rushed, and desperate kisses that we’d shared leading up to today. Chase infused a tenderness that had me questioning his motives. Like maybe I’d been wrong in assuming that his intentions were to jump between the sheets.
When he broke away, his forehead rested against mine. The fear of opening my eyes and shattering whatever had transpired was present. I wanted to soak up the sweetness and pleasure of having him this way because it still felt fleeting.
“I need to show you something.” The words were barely a whisper against my lips. The shiver that traversed my spine gave away how his words affected me.
Instead of answering him, I finally gave in and opened my eyes. My field of vision was overwhelmed with that haunting shade of gray. I’d never once met another person with the same color eyes as Chase. His mother’s had been a pale blue, while his father’s had been a deep green.
