If I kept this up, Drew was going to start thinking I had a drinking problem. This was the second time I’d vomited at his place because of it.
“Are you okay?”
Oh, fuck, that hurt. My hands clutched at my head as I curled in on myself. “Hell no.”
Nathan’s fingers trailed carefully up my back. It should have worried me that my skin was bare, but the man had seen me naked, and recently. I just didn’t remember undressing or having him help me get undressed.
“You want some water or something?” Nathan’s voice had lowered to a soft whisper, so quiet I barely heard it. He kissed my shoulder and if I wasn’t in so much pain, I would have melted into him. I loved being pampered. Spoiled was good, and it was probably why I did it with Oreo.
Now was not the time to be thinking about the cat.
“Can I die?”
He chuckled, kissing that spot between my shoulder blades that always made me grow weak. Of course, he remembered all my favorite spots. How could he remember all the places that made me burn, but he couldn’t remember to pick up a phone for four years?
“No dying. Let me grab you some water and something for that headache.”
The bed dipped, and instantly, I felt something uneasy settle over me at being left all alone—much like I was all alone in the world. But hadn’t Daniel taken care of me last night? Even if he’d turned me over to the one person I’d been trying to forget.
Nathan emerged through the doorway carrying a glass of water, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. He set the drinkand two white pills on the nightstand before going back to close the door.
“Uncle Drew is still sleeping.”
Awesome. I didn’t need my employer, and apparently only confidant, knowing how stupid I’d been again.
As slowly as possible, I sat up in bed. I was in a similar state of dress with only being in my underwear. I grabbed the water and swallowed the pills back before raising questioning eyes to Nathan.
“You puked all over your clothes last night. Uncle Drew helped me get you down to that. We threw your clothes in the laundry. They should be done soon.”
I snorted before lying back down. So much for Drew not knowing about me being an ass again. “I would have burned them.”
Nathan smirked before he crawled across my body. As sexy as it was to have him over me like this again, my body wasn’t on board for anything. “But whatever would you wear? Not that I’m complaining.”
It hurt to laugh, but I found myself doing it anyway. Whatever lingering anger had been there zapped away in an instant. There was no way I’d be able to keep up pretenses. Nathan deserved all of me and not the bits and pieces I’d been tossing at him for the last few weeks.
When I rolled onto my side, and he spooned in behind me, it all felt complete. Perfect.
“It’s hard to let you in again.” The words finally worked their way free.
Nathan was quiet, his breath disturbing the hair at the back of my neck as he lay there, processing what I’d said.
His fingers trailed along my belly, playing with the trail of hair that led into my boxers. “But you won’t even let me explain.”
My eyes closed tightly, head still pounding, but this was the chance to finally let him tell me what happened. The fear was real, and with the way my heart rate thundered, there was no way he couldn’t tell just how afraid I was. “What if I don’t like that answer?”
His hand stilled, flat against my rib cage, as if feeling my pulse. “I don’t like my answer. It’s not the best reason, and the excuse is a bad one.”
I needed to hear it, needed to stop fighting the inevitable if we were ever going to move past this and be something real again. I couldn’t tell him about my parents. I couldn’t give him any more pieces until I knew, no matter how painful it was.
“Just rip theBand-Aid.”
He laughed. “I’ve always hated that expression.”
“You’re deflecting.”
“Bottom line, I was away from my parents for the first time. I was able to explore being bi without having to hide it for the first time and the freedom that came with it. I wasn’t ready to come out to my family, but here were these people who didn’t know me.Didn’t judge me. I made mistakes, and before I knew it… it was all too late. I could have easily called you and tried to talk to you about it, but I knew a phone call wouldn’t ever be enough. When I finally came out to my family, it wasn’t the end of the world, but it still felt too late to try to fix things with you.”
Young and dumb. It’s what it came down to. I’d give anything to have my family back, and he had risked losing me entirely just to get away from his for a while. I wondered how he’d feel if he was never able to see them again. If he’d stayed away and something had happened to them and he never got to hug his mother or joke with his brother again.
