“Jenna,” he begins, his tone far too controlled, “you were defending yourself, it wasn’t your—”
“Don’t twist this!” I shout, cutting him off, my whole body shaking. “Ryan’s friend told me… he overdosed. But that’s not what happened, is it? He died that night because of me! Didn’t he?” The words taste like acid as the walls close in, smothering me.
Twenty years have passed, but the images rush back like it was yesterday. Ryan’s red-rimmed eyes, his jittery hands around my neck, the weight of the bird statue in my hands.
My fingers brush my tattoo, a symbol I once thought represented freedom. Now, I wonder if it was a warning, answers I’ve refused to face.
Jacob’s jaw locks, his calm facade cracking. “Yes, he did. But I was trying to protect you,” he finally says. “I was young, stupid. And I was in love… with you. I loved you even when you were with him, Jenna. And I couldn’t stand the thought of him having any power over you.”
The fight at Izzy’s party floods my mind. Ryan finding Jacob with me in the bathroom, holding my hair back as I emptied my stomach full of alcohol. His face twisted, assumptions spiraling out of control. Accusations. Shouting. Threats. I remember him finally walking away… but he didn’t leave, did he?
“He came back,” I whisper, the words barely making it past my lips.
The painful images sharpen. His fury, how he grabbed me, the pressure of his hands around me. “And he tried to kill me. I remember,” I cry out.
My fingers instinctively reach for my neck, my lips. More images rush in, dizzying, violent, all-consuming. The slap. The sting of my bloody lip. The look in his eyes before he fell.
How the hell didn’t I remember this before? Then it hits me. I didn’t forget. I buried it. That’s what trauma does. But now, with those two words—Ryan’s dead—they cracked the lock wide open, and now I can’t stop the flood.
“You told me you took him to the hospital. That he survived!” I say, my voice shaking as I step closer. “You let me believe he was fine… this whole time?”
I killed him.
The thought slams into me over and over, making it harder to speak, to breathe.
“Oh God,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “All these years I spent trying to piece myself together, feeling cursed. Maybe I deserved it. I killed a man. A shitty man, but still human. Someone’s son. Someone’s brother.”
Jacob grips my arms, forcing me to look at him. “Listen to me. You knocked him out. But he was alive. I checked.” His voice drops. “And then I made sure he wouldn’t hurt you again.”
The world I knew suddenly stops spinning. My girls flash through my mind. Thank God they aren’t home.
“What are you saying?” I whisper, though I’m not sure I want the answer.
“I made it look like an overdose,” he mutters, the words sending a chill down my spine. “I knew no one would question it. You were in shock. I couldn’t risk him waking up and coming after you again.” His tormented eyes darken. “So, I ended it.”
I stare at him, my pulse hammering. “You… you killed him?”
His voice breaks, his mask slipping for the first time. “Do you think it was easy for me? Living with that secret… carrying it alone, all this time? I did it to protect you. Ryan would’ve never let you go. But it’s been killing me for years.”
“To protect me?” My throat burns. “How… how did you… how could you?” I mumble.
And why the hell is everyone always trying to fucking protect me when all they ever do is break me?
“I wiped the blood off him,” he says, the tension in his body palpable. “Changed his shirt. Made sure there wasn’t a trace of what happened. And my uncle who’s on the force, believed my story.”
A sick feeling gnaws in my gut.
“He knew Ryan’s record—his drug use, his arrests, his violent behavior. It wasn’t hard to convince him that he got into a fight and then overdosed.” Jacob’s casual, cold voice makes my skin crawl. “He already had heroin in his system, I merely added more. Cops never questioned it… he was just another addict who overdosed. If anyone had looked closer or if the wrong cop had the case, things would have turned out differently.” He hesitates, keeping his gaze steady on mine. “But the case was closed before it even started. Small town. Not enough resources. No one cared.”
I stumble back, his confession pressing down on my chest. “You lied to me for years! Watched me struggle night after night and saidnothing. You let me think I was losing my mind.”
Jacob’s voice turns raw, desperate. “You wouldn’t have survived the guilt. I did it for you. For us. I did it because I couldn’t lose you.”
“No.” My tears spill over. “You did it for yourself. To bury the truth. To keep me in the dark.” I wipe my face, my hands shaking. “I don’t know who you are.”
Another overwhelming thought crashes in. “Is that why you married me?” My breath hitches. “Because you knew one day this would all come out?”
Jacob’s voice softens. “I married you because I loved you, Jenna.”
