“Then he’s an idiot, and I’ll fly to Tennessee to tell him that.”
I lets her words wash over me, comfort me. Uncertainty still clings to my every molecule, and it will until I talk to Holden like Luci suggests, but it’s lessened its hold on me. I’m not alone. I don’t have the chance to dwell on what could go wrong. Luci doesn’t let go of me, and I don’t ask to be released.
Holden
Are you busy?
I raise a brow at the screen of my phone and glance away from where I’m slathering peanut butter onto a slice of bread. Luci pops a grape into her mouth, cocking her head, and I mouth Holden’s name. Nodding, Luci goes back to her snack while I finish making Ashton’s sandwich. I hand it off a moment later then pick my phone up once more.
Dealla
Just finished making lunch for Ash. Why?
Holden
Can’t a man just want to talk to his girlfriend?
Girlfriend. Holden called me his girlfriend. Is this a trap? My mind trips over the potentials of conversation, and I fight to get the thoughts under control. Overthinking will get me nowhere. I manage to calm slightly and tap the button to start the call. Perching on the stool next to Luci, I run a hand through my hair and waits.
“Hi.”
Hearing Holden’s voice causes my words to dry on my tongue. I clear my throat and turn away from Luci’s inquisitive look. “Hi. Uh, what’s up?”
“I’ve been doing some thinking. We need to talk.”
My heart stutters at the words. Blood freezes in my veins; my face grows cold then hot then cold again. My heartbeat pounds in my ears. I swallow harshly and will away the rock in my stomach. It remains. Luci frowns but doesn’t speak.
“About what?” I croak out.
Holden chuckles in my ear, and a shiver runs down my spine. “It’s not a bad kind of thinking.”
“Well, that’s reassuring.” I cough quietly and drum my fingertips across the countertop. “So what have you been thinking?”
“I know you said you can’t move in, and I understand, don’t think I don’t! This isn’t me trying to guilt you into changing your mind. I was just… I was wondering if you’d be okay with you and Ashton coming here for Christmas?”
“What?”
“Come here for the holidays, unless you have plans already?”
My head spins with the relief that he isn’t breaking up with me. Ice cracks, melts, and I can breathe again as warmth flows through me. My body feels unsteady, as if I’ll fall off my stool if I so much as dare to breathe. My lips, wooden and numb, move to form the words:
“Are you sure?”
Holden’s confusion fills his voice as he says, “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because—Give me a sec. Luce?”
“Go on, I got this.”
I thank my friend then make my way to the bedroom. Holden stays quiet, only his breathing coming down the line, and I lower myself to the end of my bed. He doesn’t push for me to speak, and I love that about him. He’s always so patient.
“I want to.”
“But?”
“But Holden, it’s different being around a kid constantly. It wouldn’t be like when you come here, where you can leave whenever you want and not have to think about Ash. And it certainly won’t be like the week I spent there.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” Holden snorts, and I can imagine him shaking his head. The fond exasperation on his face. “Dealla, I invited you to move in. I knew full well it wasn’t going to be as easy as when it was just us. I know that with Ashton here, we won’t be able to do half the things we did at the drop of a hat. I get it. Doesn’t stop me from wanting y’all here.”
