“The last time you were here,” Tahlen echoed, possibly prompting Zelli to explain. Or wanting Zelli to leave, having changed his mind about Zelli because Zelli was not what anyone would want, especially not Tahlen, a hero from a story.
Tahlen had brought him here. Zelli swallowed and tried to remember that.
“The only time,” Zelli corrected him. “And in my nightclothes. I shouldn’t have intruded on your off-duty hours. I apologize again for that.”
“Zelli,” Tahlen said, strained, as if his jaw was clenched.
“You want something from me and I don’t know what.” Zelli huffed. “I can give you what wealth I have, which isn’t much, not personally, though I don’t have a lot of expenditures, so perhaps I can offer more if I look at the numbers. I can love you without discretion—though I will apparently do that even if you don’t want it. Sorry. And… there is my body. Though perhaps it’s too much trouble? Kear didn’t like the look of me. Does it bother you, how I look now?” Zelli gestured to his face, his eyes. “Maybe you couldn’t see me fully in the kitchens?”
“I might miss the colors of your eyes,” Tahlen admitted. “They told me a lot about what you were feeling… or I thought they did; I wasn’t as good at reading them as I assumed. But no, I’m not bothered by your eyes now. They’re yours, and even black, when they should swallow all light, they seem to reflect it. They’re beautiful, Zelli.”
Tahlenwas beautiful. Of the two of them, he was the one who ought to be called a flower, like the scattered clusters of pale blossoms that only unfurled in the light of morning. Flowers as white as the stars above. Flowers the fae had used to guide the ancient Vallithi to safety.
“I couldn’t believe you’d want to court me,” Zelli admitted in return. “But I didn’t say no. I never would have.”
Tahlen didn’t lose his frown, but slowly inclined his head. “Perhaps I didn’t believe you’d say yes.”
Zelli stared at Tahlen in baffled consternation. “Then why ask?”
“Your grandmother told me—warned me—that she was considering an alliance for you.” Tahlen briefly dropped his attention to Tippit, who seemed to revel in it, purring his knuckles. “And I believed from how she said it that she was telling me that I should try before that happened. Esrin also. She said that how you watch me meant you were taken with me, and that you were not a fool, so of course you would…. She thought you cared for me.”
No wonder Zelli had been glared out of the kitchen since then.
He raised a hand to try to chew his fingernails, then lowered it again after several moments of consideration.
"Maybe I was too public with the others?” Zelli didn’t think that Tahlen, capable of acting like a stone wall, if not of being one, would have promised anything to Zelli to save Zelli the embarrassment of a public refusal. But then again, Zelli had not actually asked him anything. “When I spoke of this before, you didn’t answer.” He tried to flatten the anxious tremor in his voice. “So, to have it be clear: I would like to court you, Tahlen, if you would like that. You are already wearing a gift from me, so merecourtingalso sounds foolish. But it’s far too early to speak of hand-fasting. I don’t even know what vow I’d make to you, but I would want for us to speak. Even if later you wouldn’t desire to stay with me.”
Tahlen narrowed his eyes, then all feeling disappeared from his face.
Zelli straightened. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t leave me. That even though it’s too early to say it, you would be my one-and-only until we’re both old and gray.” Zelli looked down, then back up. “But that’s what I mean. Even if…” He swallowed what he might have said so he wouldn’t hurt Tahlen again. “If you were to stop speaking to me, if we ended up like those two with their walnut tree, I would miss you. It would be unbearable to have been close to you and then to not be anymore. So that’s what I’d want in my vows. For you to know, even with that, I’d still want to talk with you. Is that wrong? I suppose it’s not something people ask for.”
“If Mizel says something is unbearable, then it truly must be.”
“This feels terrible,” Zelli informed Tahlen moments later, because that was all Tahlen said. “How long do people usually wait for an answer? Oh, they probably are already close to one another before the courtship officially begins. I don’t know where that leaves us.”
The mattress dipped near Zelli’s side. Tippit, satisfied with attention for the moment, was curling up in its usual spot on the bed, readying for a nap.
“You don’t need to court me,” Tahlen offered, no longer frowning.
Zelli didn’t mean to argue but an argument seemed necessary. “But you should have it.”
“So should you,” Tahlen returned seriously.
Zelli sputtered. “I never imagined it for myself, so I don’t miss it. Besides,” he added firmly in response to Tahlen’s determined expression, “you will do as you will do, as you told me once, and you like pleasing me.” Zelli kicked his feet. “If you want to call that courting, then, yes, I agree to it for you to hear. Yes. Please court me. You… you’ve been trying to court me, haven’t you?” He asked it as he realized it. Ever since Zelli had told Tahlen he knew nothing of lovers, or kissing, or courtship, Tahlen had been trying to make it plain. “Probably as you would have the first time.”
Tahlen’s lovely mouth went soft with surprise, but he disagreed. “No. This time I was trying to do better, so you’d understand.”
“I liked your stories of the stars,” Zelli revealed, shy and giddy at once. “Though we never got to see any together.” He slid to his feet, pausing to smooth out his clothing and also to recover when this made him dizzy. He hoped Tahlen didn’t notice, but assumed he did.
“That doesn’t mean you need to court me,” Tahlen finally said.
Hehadnoticed and thought Zelli was weak. Zelli was, a bit, but that had nothing to do with anything.
“I am the Mountain Wolf of the Tialttyrin,” Zelli used the title Tahlen had given him, “and I also will do as I will do.” He lowered his raised chin almost immediately. “I like making you feel warm, so won’t you let me?”
Tahlen’s breath rasped, in and out. He nodded.
Zelli nodded in reply, relieved that was settled. He shifted slightly closer to Tahlen and to the fire. “Your hair remains damp from your bath,” he remarked, although with it so short the fire would dry it soon if it hadn’t already. “May I comb it for you before you rest?”
