Tahlen did grunt; perhaps the short hair brought it out in guards. “It’s not my….” He didn’t finish because Zelli waved toward the ground, where Tippit trotted alongside Tahlen as if eager to once again share Tahlen’s bed.
“I have a lot in common with that cat,” Zelli commented over Tahlen’s sigh of resignation. “It missed you and it doesn’t want to be parted from you now.”
“Ididn’t go anywhere,” Tahlen answered, strained.
Zelli put the back of one hand against Tahlen’s cheek to soothe him. “I saw my family.” He didn’t know if that would help, but he wanted Tahlen to know. “My other family. While I was… away. They tricked me when I asked that you not be alone. I think they already knew they were going to bring me back—not that I’m not grateful!” Zelli added, briefly addressing the air. “You asked what you asked of them, but I suspect they were going to do it anyway. Maybe they wanted to be absolutely sure of you first. I didn’t think I mattered to them, but,” a tenderMy Mizellingered in his mind, “maybe I do.”
Tahlen was not appeased by this information. “You do matter, to all of us.”
Zelli didn’t argue, although it was strange to hear and he didn’t find it as warming as Tahlen found Zelli’s praise of him. “It seems so,” he allowed at last. “I will try to adjust to that.”
“Zelli.” Tahlen could growl too.
He’d growledandraised his voice this morning. He was more upset than he was allowing Zelli to see.
“Will you ever forgive me?” Zelli wondered, vaguely aware that others were moving around the courtyard: various staff heading to the kitchens for breakfast before starting their days, guards ducking past them to get to their chambers to rest.
He could feel Tahlen tense as he hesitated over his answer. “I’m not angry.”
“I know.” That much, Zellididknow. “I understand you now… the important parts. The things that confused me about you before. I know you care for your family, living and dead, blood and chosen. That you will protect them with your life. That this includes me. And that it’s not anger which makes you sigh at me,” he lowered his voice apologetically, “it’s worry. Not that you don’t get angry with me for other things.”
“Zelli.” Tahlen turned his face into Zelli’s hand.
“I don’t need to touch you,” Zelli revealed, twisting his wrist so it was easier to pet Tahlen. Tahlen continued to allow it. Zelli licked his teeth because he could not bite now. “Not because of my wish, I mean. I didn’t since before everything yesterday. I just didn’t notice. What a gift they gave me.” The mention of gifts reminded him. “Do my eyes bother you now? Grandmother says they’ve changed again.”
Tahlen barely paused he headed into the guards’ quarters where the corridor was dark, as if the candles lit the night before had melted down and not been replaced yet. “You didn’t look in a mirror before you left your room in barely any clothes while still weakened and tired?”
“Grandmother said you would notice my clothes,” Zelli marveled aloud at this, curious as to how she’d known. “But I had to see you. To apologize and to make sure you were all right.” He took his hand from Tahlen’s face to consider Tahlen shyly. “Thank you for letting me.”
Tahlen stopped in front of his room. His arms were shaking minutely, either with the strain of carrying Zelli so far after a trying night and day or for some other reason. He stared straight ahead at the plain wood of his door. “Say it again.”
Another apology was on Zelli’s tongue before he realized what Tahlen meant.
“I love you.” He was sure his face was growing as pink as his hands when he touched Tahlen. “Everyone can see it, but I can say it more if you like.”
Tahlen slid Zelli to his feet, but Zelli was barely on the ground long enough to blink before he was in Tahlen’s arms again. He held to Tahlen’s shoulders to bring his legs up around Tahlen’s waist, nodded a startled greeting to Hari and her puppy heading out, then closed his eyes and relaxed when Tahlen pulled him closer and exhaled over his head.
“I think you enjoy how small I am,” Zelli grumbled, stroking the back of Tahlen’s neck when Tahlen shivered. “You don’t argue with me; you just move me how you please.”
“Are you hurt?” Tahlen asked, brushing a kiss into Zelli’s hair. Zelli shook his head. Tahlen moved his kisses to Zelli’s forehead, his temple. “Should I put you down?”
“No,” Zelli answered honestly. “But my legs are bare and the corridor is not warm. And this robe doesn’t precisely…”
Tahlen opened the door and swept into the room, where he surprised Zelli again by setting him down on the bed and then stepping away. The cat jumped onto the bed and Tahlen closed the door. He did not return to Zelli for more kisses. He went to the fireplace, and once he had a fire going, looked at Zelli before sitting down in the chair by the hearth.
Zelli tugged his shirt and robe back down to cover at least his knees, then considered his bare calves and boots when he didn’t know how to interpret this silence. Tahlen’s gaze said something, butwhatwas unclear.
“Kat Ryssa would know what you mean,” Zelli complained to his boots.
Tahlen sighed heavily. “I knew you didn’t like her.”
“Shedidn’t likeme,” Zelli replied tartly, then released a sigh of his own. “Just because I’ve finally realized what my feelings for you are doesn’t mean you have to return them. If you’d rather…”
“Zelli.”
“Do you still love me?” Zelli turned toward Tahlen again, only to fix his gaze on the fire instead of Tahlen’s stormy brow. “This is a lot like the last time I was in your room,” he observed quickly.
In the place of mending, Tahlen’s cat was once again in Tahlen’s lap, with Tahlen’s hand buried in its fur. Tippit’s purr was just audible. Heat from the fire was growing, but something was going to have to be done about the guards’ quarters. Then probably the other servants’ quarters as well. The fortress had been built in a different time, with a mind to strength and defenses and not comfort. It was long past time for comfort now.
