Zelli had not wanted to think much of it after that. The lust had been so distinctly Tahlen-shaped that it had felt different from Zelli’s frequent, if vague and inexperienced thoughts of Tahlen’s hands or thighs or chest. Or mouth.
Or fingers.
Or mouth again.
It was generally Tahlen on Zelli’s mind in those sorts of moments, had been ever since first meeting Tahlen. But that last time the hunger had been so intensely focused on Tahlen and the unknown but urgent things Zelli wanted Tahlen to do to him, that he’d had trouble meeting Tahlen’s eyes afterward.
Not long after, Tahlen had asked to court him and that had ended how it had ended. In the weeks and then months that followed, the lust-fevers had vanished. Indeed, Zelli had felt not much inclination for anything, even without the fever.
The fevers, all ravenous need and not a single thought in Zelli’s mind, should not be of concern to him now. But his regular randy dreams of Tahlen had returned with force during their small journey and would only be worse now, Zelli was sure of it. Being near Tahlen might help Zelli understand him, but it was not going to make anything else easier for Zelli in the future.
At the moment, tired, warm, lulled by Starfall’s slow, steady pace, Zelli drifted, half-asleep until suddenly, starkly aware again that he was in Tahlen’s arms, that he was all but between Tahlen’s legs.
Tahlen did not help although he must have thought he did. He would turn his head to answer a question from someone and his breath would shiver down Zelli’s neck. Or he would slide an arm around Zelli’s waist before they went over a particularly large mound of dirt in one of the fields and Zelli would be up and alert and indescribably hot.
He thought about asking to walk several times, then considered the chances that Tahlen might grow tired of him and rescind his offer of… whatever last night had been, and how Zelli might never get to be in Tahlen’s arms again. Asking the first time had seemed to frustrate Tahlen, something Zelli was still puzzling over.
At least Zelli did not have to worry about a lust-fever now. That was some consolation. Zelli had paused to consider his body for a while, making sure he did not feel any of the warning symptoms despite how lascivious his thoughts had grown. Restlessness usually came first, though it was really more the sensation of needing to find something—and never finding it, of course. Just scuttling off to his room to wriggle his fingers inside of himself and wish for more oil, or less oil, depending on whatever Zelli’s body was up to.
Hewashot, but it was after midday and he was ensconced in Tahlen’s arms. Last night, Tahlen had kissed him. Anyone would be hot in Zelli’s place.
The occasional glances from the others were not helping, Zelli decided, and remembered frowning back at Fy when Fy twisted around and winked at him. Although the last look Fy had given him, some time ago now, had seemed almost worried.
Either Fy was surprised to learn that Zelli could sulk or he assumed Zelli was sick or weak. Maybe they all did. Just a useless beat-of-four, playing idly with Tahlen’s hand whenever it landed on his hip.
Or there was something in Tahlen’s manner that made them think Zelli was not entirely well. He did persist in offering Zelli water and then apples from the trees they passed.
Zelli duly ate two apples so Tahlen wouldn’t fret, but eventually turned his head and shut his eyes. Lack of sleep was probably the reason for his mood. It was also the reason he was here, comfortable and suffering in Tahlen’s lap. He should try to get some rest and then perhaps he’d understand more.
Zelli bit his lip hard then released it, liking the pounding rush of blood that followed and how his lips felt like the rest of him, swollen-hot and wet. He whined. Tahlen held him tighter, adding Zelli’s name in a sweet growl above Zelli’s ear. Tahlen was cruel, heartless, a wall of muscle and stone that surrounded Zelli with warmth but wouldn’t let him move back though it felt so good. Zelli whined again because his teeth were useless.
“Tahlen,” he complained, shifting, only to be pinned down once again by unrelenting strength when all he wanted was to move. If he should be held down, it should be harder, with more of Tahlen against him.
In him, he thought dizzily and rolled his hips again.
“Zelli,” Tahlen ground out against the side of Zelli’s neck.
His voice was good but not enough, not nearly. Zelli turned his head, his lips parted to let his complaints escape.
“Why won’t you fill me? Tahlen, please.” He tugged Tahlen’s hand, but couldn’t get it to budge. He touched himself instead, sinking his teeth into his lip again.
“Zelli!” Tahlen snapped and Zelli opened his eyes to see sky, and part of a field and Tahlen’s shoulder.
He looked forward, dazed, sweating beneath his layers, and saw Lemon Blossom as well as all of the Lyralinah guards. Not one of them glanced back, not even Fy. They all had the determined postures of sworn guards who would keep their eyes only on their assigned duties no matter what was going on around them.
Zelli squeezed his eyes shut. His mouth was dry, his lip stinging. The guards were some distance ahead. Tahlen must have slowed down, or they had moved faster, all to spare Zelli more humiliation, as though that was possible.
Or maybe it was to spare Tahlen, whose body had reacted to Zelli’s desperate movements, probably despite his wishes. Zelli could not even politely pull away. There was nowhere to go.
“I’m so sorry,” he said at last, burning further at how rough his voice was. “Oh, Tahlen. I’m so sor…”
“Zelli,” Tahlen didn’t allow him to finish, “it’s all right.”
Zelli put his face in his hands and struggled to catch his breath. He shook his head. “No, it isn’t.” He’d had more control at fifteen than he had now. He still wanted to press back, to keep pressing back, until one or both of them spent. He wanted to be pulled to the ground and taken, and now they all knew it.
He was so hot that his bottom layer of clothing stuck to his skin. He was hard and Tahlen had only to look down to see it, probablyhadseen it. He would have felt it if Zelli had succeeded in moving Tahlen’s hand.
“I’m so sorry,” Zelli said again. “I’d offer to walk but,” he kept his face hidden, “I couldn’t right now without everyone seeing. Please, not in front of the others, Tahlen. Please.”
