“It’s all right,” Tahlen kept his voice as low as Zelli’s. “It’s all right and I will keep telling you so.” He lifted his hand and splayed it over Zelli’s stomach, petting as though Zelli were a startled cat. Zelli swallowed the sound he wanted to make and held himself so his fine tremors would be less obvious. “You called for me,” Tahlen added, something like fire in his voice. Zelli nearly moaned again.
“Always, I am embarrassed.” Zelli scrubbed his face with his hands but didn’t open his eyes. A shiver went through him. Always, his body betrayed him. He took a deep breath, then another. “I think,” he announced shakily, “that Iwouldlike to walk for a while. I’ll stay behind the others.”
Tahlen stilled his hand, then said nothing, as if waiting for Zelli to add something else. When Zelli didn’t, Tahlen expelled a long breath but brought Starfall to a halt. He got down easily, as if he could not lack grace even when accidentally aroused because of Zelli’s silliness. Then he held out his hand for Zelli.
Surprised, Zelli looked from the hand to Tahlen’s serious, if darkened, face.
He took the offered hand, then looked away as he slid down. He let go the moment his boots were on the ground. Tahlen took Starfall’s reins in one hand and stood, waiting.
Zelli tugged at his pants and could not meet Tahlen’s eye again. “You’re impossibly kind.”
“You are the only one to think to say so.” As if unconcerned with the guards ahead of them, and as if also not willing to risk more embarrassment for Zelli, Tahlen continued to speak quietly. “Who would care if their guard was kind or not? Only Mizel. It makes me want to be kinder to you. For you, I suppose.” His focus was intent upon Zelli when Zelli darted a glance to him. “To do things for you, if you would ask, or tell me.”
Intense heat curled at the base of Zelli’s spine. He wrapped his arms around himself as if that could contain it. He swallowed wetly, then shuddered when flames seemed to lick across every inch of his skin.
It was not as immediate as the last time, but he recognized the sensation and dropped his head. There had been no restlessness. But then, what had there been to search for? He had spent the night and most of the day in Tahlen’s arms. That was at least part of what his body wanted.
He wondered how far they had to go before they reached Mayor Sar’s inn. If he had time before he lost his mind and not even Tahlen’s kindness could shield him. Tahlen’s kindness might even bring it on faster. It had the last time. Zelli couldn’t pretend otherwise now with this evidence.
“I am so sick of being strange.” Zelli glared at the row of dirt he had disturbed. “Of being special. Only Mizel,” he echoed Tahlen. “The only one in all of the country, it feels like. Since I was a child, it’s made others fear me or avoid me. And since I was seventeen, it has been near-constant embarrassment like this. Near-constant reactions, burning and wanting.” He raised his head but only managed to look at Tahlen’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ll bear it. I always do.”
He started to walk before Tahlen could stop him, or fret more, or tell him to at least ride Starfall alone.
Zelli didn’t want to risk drifting again and the walking might help. The sun was high but already descending. A few hours until dark. He would have to make it.
“Zelli,” Tahlen said somewhere behind him.
“It’s better that you don’t speak,” Zelli warned him without explaining, and moved faster to make up some of the distance between them and the other guards.
By the time the sun began to set, Zelli’s feverish shivers were noticeable and the frequent looks from the former Lyralinah guards were obvious even though he tried to avoid their gazes. Wain brought him more apples. Fy offered water. Zelli thanked them both politely but didn’t manage much more than a few swallows of each gift.
The guards looked to Tahlen, probably wanting an explanation. Since Tahlen would not have one, Zelli had answered for him, telling Fy, “Fae blood sometimes has complications.”
Tahlen was keeping close to Zelli without crowding him and so must have heard it, although he didn’t comment. That would be later. Zelli was going to have to tell him. Tahlen had a right to know, and it would be inescapable before long anyway.
But knowing more humiliation awaited Zelli in the inn did not improve his mood. His steps slowed, grew more lumbering as his thoughts wandered to Tahlen, his arms, his breath, the strength in his hand, the tantalizing impression of his cock.
His blushes did not cease. All the water in the land could not ease his tight throat.
“Combined?” he asked the fae once, head turned up to the sky, which showed him nothing. No stars to guide his path. Only the shame of a stiffening prick where others could see and the distant approach of fog.
When they reached the main road, Tahlen came up to Zelli’s side and took Zelli’s hand. His stone expression returned when Zelli tore away from him.
“It’s nothing,” Zelli lied, foolishly, since Tahlen would know it was a lie. He stared at Tahlen’s shoulder. “How long until we reach the inn? I hope they’ll still have room.”
“They will make room for you, beat-of-four,” Let said lightly from ahead of him. “And if they didn’t, we would ensure they did.”
Zelli stared at her, then, pained, at Tahlen—his chin this time. “Tahlen,” he began uncertainly, but couldn’t think of what else to say.
“The inn is close,” Tahlen assured him. “If we need to go faster, I will take you there myself on Starfall. Only ask, Zelli, and I will.” Tahlen leaned in, slightly closer, but enough to leave Zelli’s knees wobbly. “Do you need something in particular?” He was so careful. “You were hot to the touch. You’re weakening even now.”
Even his breath was too much. Zelli raised his head. Tahlen’s beautiful eyes widened as though he saw Zelli’s desperation.
Zelli quickly resumed walking. “I need to rest. As do you.” He could not sound less breathless no matter how he tried. “When you find your room and everything is seen to, I… I order you to rest.”
Several of the others glanced back, maybe for the order, even a gently given one.
Zelli nodded to them. “I suggest you hide any remaining signs of the family you once served. If you want to carry on without us, the Tialttyrin fortress is down this road. I will see that the inn welcomes you. But I’d rather not have people assume you are here to attack them, or for your former family to think we’ve insulted them or…” His thoughts slipped away again. He was too hot. He wanted. He did not know what he wanted. He knew precisely what he wanted.
