He holds up his hands in front of him as if I’m a threat he needs to de-escalate. “Where are you going to go? Just please don’t run off like this. Griffin will lose his shit, and?—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck! I’m done making excuses for shitty behavior. When is it time to tiptoe around me?” I scream.
Maybe he had something to his tentative approach. I know my anger doesn’t exactly match the situation in front of me, but the rage flowing through my body won’t be assuaged.
Hattie hurries around the house carrying two purses. It takes me a second to realize one of them is mine. I feel like my head is floating away, but at least the rage is going away with it. Bess is not far behind, and Harlow even waddles around the corner.
Charlie’s mouth is gaping open, seeing everyone, except for Claudia, hurrying toward me. “What is going on?”
Hattie glares at him, something I’ve not seen from her to him in years. “You’ve all made it clear where your allegiance lies. Well, we’re here to show Wren that she isn’t alone in this. Time to rethink some priorities, husband.”
He stands there, mouth gaping open, confusion written all over his face.
I shake my head. “There’s no way you’re this dense. Both you and Griffin have insulated Liam his entire life. That’s fine for a kid, but both of you have sacrificed me to keep his feelings safe. I’m done with it. I get to fucking come first in my own life.” I pound my chest with my open hand to emphasize my words.
“But, he brought up something that happened over ten years ago. Griffin didn’t even know the rumors were true. He’s always thought the best of Liam. You know that. I’m the one who knew what he was up to and kept my mouth shut. If you want to be pissed at someone, be mad at me,” Charlie argues.
I hold my arms out wide to my sides. “It’s all in the past, and yet, here we all are trying to make everything easier for Liam. Griffin knows that I’m not comfortable being around him right now, and yet here we are hosting a fucking dinner. Did anyone ask Claudia if she wanted to come here tonight, or did Griffin push and push until she gave in?”
“A little of both, actually,” her quiet voice sounds as she comes around the corner of the house.
Ordinarily, I’d be upset with myself for making such a big scene. Today is not an ordinary day. I’ve lost all my fucks, and I don’t have the desire to find them.
“I hope my being here isn’t upsetting you. I know that you left him when he was drinking before. I hope you don’t think I’m weak for taking him back.” She looks down at her shoes when she says it, and I know from my own history that she’s asking because she thinks she might be.
I shake my head. “No, Claudia, I don’t. I know, maybe hearing stories, it sounds like our situations are the same, but they’re not. Liam never loved me. Not really. Trust me, he more than made that clear for most of our marriage. And don’t think I’ve got a spine of steel or anything. He was drunk for years, and I did nothing. It took finding him balls deep in my former best friend before I left. Of course, I will stand by you no matter what you decide. If there are things we don’t know about, we’re all here for you. But we aren’t going to judge you for staying. The truth is, he has always treated you better than he treated me.”
And those words ring a bell in my head. He has always been better to her. I still don’t see him as much of a prize, but for her, he tries to be. I guess I can’t figure out why he can be a human for her and a monster to me.
“I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you, or not supporting you, but I think it would be the opposite of helpful if I went with you. The last thing I want to do is make it so that you didn’t feel like you could talk openly,” Claudia says.
I have been pretty unfair to her, I think. She’s never been anything except kind, and I’ve always held her at arm’s length. I’m not sure acknowledging it will change it, but it doesn’t mean I can’t admit it’s not fair.
She rolls her pretty brown eyes. “I can see the wheels turning. You’re going to beat yourself up now because we’re not as close as everyone else. The thing is, I love all of you. You’re family, butunlike everyone else, except Scott, I have a really good family of my own too. I haven’t let myself get as ingrained with everyone as the rest of you. We’re good, though, because it’s okay that we have a different relationship. There are no rules that say we all have to be best friends.”
I look at Bess, Hattie, and Harlow in turn, and we exchange confused looks. We are all actually best friends as well as family. Well, Hattie is literally my aunt, but blood doesn’t mean all that much to us.
Claudia looks over her shoulder. Where she’s standing, she can see a bit of the backyard while the rest of us can’t. “If you were hoping to get away before Griffin stopped arguing with Liam, I’d hurry,” she warns.
I hadn’t even realized they were arguing, but I don’t need to be told twice. The rest of us hurry as fast as Harlow’s baby will let her move. With Bess behind the wheel, we can be in the next county in no time.
There’ssilence in the car as we drive away from my house. I focus on the passing scenery, trying to keep my thoughts from racing faster than the wheels of the car. My mind slips into a trance listening to the steady whirring of the air coming in through the windows and the tires on the pavement. The blankness is soothing.
Hattie reaches up from the backseat and messes with the radio. I don’t think anything of it until “Asshole,” by the Lumineers, starts to play. When he gets to the chorus about how she thought he was an asshole when they first met, I’m laughing way harder than the situation warrants. I can’t stop it, though.
We’re talking streaks of mascara, unable to breathe, bent in half with laughter. When that comes on, I know she’s fucking with me on purpose.
“Thank god, I thought we’d lost you,” Hattie sighs dramatically.
I exhale and try to regain my composure. As the laughter leaves, the urge to cry rises up. I think I preferred the numbness.
My lip quivers. “I don’t understand how everything went to hell so fast. A couple of months ago, we were blissfully happy, then it all just became shit.”
Bess scoffs. “You know that’s not true. Griffin has come a long way, and I actually like him now, but that man hasn’t traveled that far when it comes to Liam. If anything, you’re the one who has done the bending, at least when it comes to your marriage. The only flexibility he has is when he bends himself into a knot to help soften the impact of consequences for Liam.”
I open my mouth to argue with her, but no words come to me. I want to tell her that Liam had a big consequence years ago, because I left him. Then it occurs to me that, in order for that to have been a really impactful consequence to Liam, he would have had to want me to stay.
The truth just keeps coming back to hit me in the face. The real question isn’t whether or not Liam ever loved me, but why do I suddenly care? That’s a question I can’t figure out how to answer.
