Noah stares at me, and I feel pinned to the cement. “I wonder who does, then?” he says, his voice low.
I look down at my bare feet. Thunder cracks over head, and rain begins to fall. Noah raises his hand to shield his eyes from the drops. “Come on. Just go talk to him, okay?”
CHAPTER 36
TOBIAS BARRETT
The sound of rain pelts the windows, and I look outside again. No sign of Noah yet. Skyler comes into the living room. “Is Kiki home yet?”
“No, sweetheart.” I pat her head. “Go into the kitchen and help Uncle Levi make his biscuit muffins. It will be bedtime soon.”
“Okay.” She leaves, and I stare out the window once again. My anger has subsided, and now I just feel empty. Abandoned. Kiki never planned to stay, and that hurts deeply. Was everything she told me a lie?
I think back to all our conversations and shake my head. I know better than to think that. She shared a lot of herself with me. I remember the times she pulled away from me and I could see a war going on behind her eyes. All the times she got emotional, and I didn’t understand why. It all falls into place now. She felt guilty for lying, but she wanted to stay near Skyler. Her daughter.
I know how deeply she wanted to be a mother. It makes sense why she didn’t tell me the truth. She was afraid I would have sent her away. And she’s right. I would have if she’d approached me and told me that first day.
I clench my fists and close my eyes. I was not kind to her when she arrived. I probably would’ve had her arrested.
I think about how she must have felt, alone and pregnant, locked up in prison. It must have been awful. My heart rips in half thinking how terrifying that had to have been for her.
If that had been me, I might have gone looking for my child, just to know they were safe. To see how they were doing.
Noah’s squad car pulls up the driveway, and my heart beats fast in my ears. He gets out and walks to the front door. I don’t see anyone else in the car, and disappointment settles in my gut.
He opens the front door and wipes his feet on the carpet. He looks at me, then lowers his gaze, adjusting the belt on his uniform. “I found her.”
Pain slices through me. He talked to her, but she didn’t want to come home. “Where is she?”
“I took her to the shuttle bus. She insisted on leaving.” He sighs, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry.”
Pain wells up in me, and I stare out the window. Was I that much of a monster? Is she scared of what I’ll do to her?
“Did you tell her I wanted to talk?”
Noah nods. “Yeah. She said there’s nothing to talk about. I tried to convince her to come, but in the end she decided leaving was better. She promised she won’t come back.”
A cold ball forms in my stomach. “But that’s not what I want.”
“I know. But I couldn’t force her here. That wouldn’t have been good for either of you.” Noah puts his hand on the doorknob. “I’ve got to head to work. Will you be okay?”
I nod, feeling miserable. “Yeah.”
“Okay. See you later.” He leaves and gets into his squad car. I watch as he pulls away.
I walk into the kitchen. Skyler’s sitting on a bar stool, stirring a mixture in a bowl. Levi sets down his phone and looks at me. He doesn’t need to say anything. He knows what happened, and he’s silently asking me if Kiki’s back.
I shake my head, and his expression sobers. “Sorry,” he says quietly.
I walk to Skyler and help her finish making the dough for the biscuit rolls. They bake, and I let her eat one before I send her off to brush her teeth and get into her pajamas.
After tucking in Skyler, I go into the kitchen. The lights are off, and I walk to the backdoor to look out at the ocean. The rain is still coming down, but I can see the moon peeking through the clouds. It reminds me of the night Kiki and I walked along the beach. The night we shared our first kiss.
I pull out my phone and stare at it. Would she pick up if I call her? I swipe to unlock it and find her number. I press to call, my heart in my throat. What will I say if she answers?
“Hello?”
It’s not Kiki’s voice on the other end. “Who is this?”
