“Of course.” She headed in that direction. “Do you have any tea?”
I grinned down at the floor. “Do you think Jensen would let me live anywhere that didn’t have a stockpile even though she knows I hate the stuff?”
A gentle smile pulled at my mother’s mouth. “Of course, she wouldn’t.”
I pointed to one of the drawers. “It’s in there. And there’s a kettle above the stove.” I was struck in that moment by how different it was for my mom to be in the space. Jensen knew where everything was, yet my own mother needed to be directed.
We both set to work silently—me with the coffee maker, her at the stove. It was as if we both needed a moment to ground ourselves in the everyday normality of simple tasks before taking on the elephant in the room.
“Do you have any honey?” my mom asked.
“In the pantry.” I grabbed two mugs from the cabinet, setting one by the stove and taking the other with me to the coffee pot.
Silence continued to reign. But soon, both of our beverages of choice were complete, and we were taking our seats at the kitchen table. I had to tell her. With the scene last night, it was only a matter of time before she heard all the details. And soon, I was sure more stories would come to light. Uglier ones.
I took a deep breath. “He cheats on you, Mom. He’s been doing it since I was a kid.”
She met my gaze, nothing but defeat in her own. “I know.”
My body jerked. “You know?”
She stared down into her tea, the silence in the room screaming as loudly as a siren. “I’ve always known.” Her breath hitched. “I tried to fix things, to get him to go to therapy. None of it helped. And, somewhere along the way, I just accepted things for the way they were. The way theyare.”
Temper licked at my skin. “Do you have any idea how much guilt I’ve been carrying around, keeping his secret? Since I was eight years old and walked in on him with some woman in the barn.” Mom’s head snapped up. “The shit he filled my head with. How horrible I felt for keeping it from you. Should I tell you? Would it do any good? Would you blame me for hurting you?”
“Oh, honey, no.” My mom reached across the table to grab my hand, but I pulled it out of her reach. Her fingers curled in on air as she took her hand back. “I’ve made a mess of everything.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I know you think I’m weak, putting up with his drinking and now this.” I started to speak, but my mom held up a hand to stop me. “And I understand why. I thought I was doing the right thing. Doing my best to keep my family together.” Her voice cracked, and my heart broke right along with it. “And now I’ve lost you both.”
I couldn’t quite bring myself to reach out and take her hand, but I couldn’t leave her alone in this either. “Mom, you haven’t lost me.”
She lifted her eyes to meet mine. “Haven’t I?”
I sat back in my chair, my back teeth grinding together. “I just can’t be around him anymore. If last night proves anything, it’s that. I have to let you two do what you think is best for whatever marriage you have. I’ll do everything I can to keep a relationship with you, but I won’t be coming to the ranch anymore.”
“I kicked him out.”
My mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Never in my life had my mom sent my dad packing. “You kicked him out? Can you even do that?”
One corner of Mom’s mouth quirked up. “Your grandfather must have seen through Craig’s doting son-in-law act more than I’d guessed because he didn’t leave the ranch to me in his will. He left it toyou. I’m just the caretaker until your fortieth birthday.”
This time, my jaw simply fell open. Pieces clicked into place. My grandfather had died five years ago, and it was right around then that my dad’s asshole behavior kicked up another degree. “Mom, that’s not what I want. I’ll sign it back over to you.”
She shook her head. “The will protected us and the ranch really. Your dad was always more interested in the ranch than me. Sure, he loved me, in that puppy-love kind of way when you’re young and naïve. But the ranch,thatwas always his true love. It’s why he took my last name instead of vice versa. He said it was to keep the Harris history alive. But I think it was more about having the prestige the name carries around here.”
My mom took a sip of her tea. “You should’ve seen how pissed he was when he found out about Dad’s will. I’m sure that’s part of why he’s been so hard on you. To him, you walked away from the thing he wanted more than anything when you took a job with the Forest Service.”
My jaw clenched. “I love the ranch. Grandpa knew that. I just couldn’t live my life under Dad’s thumb. I knew that from the time I was thirteen. I had to go my own way.”
Mom nodded. “I know that. And I haven’t told you enough, I’m so proud of you. Of what you do. Of the man you are.”
There was a burning in my chest. “Mom, why didn’t you tell me any of this was going on?”
Her shoulders slumped. “I was hoping I could fix it all. That, somehow, I could make us a family again. The way it was in the beginning.”
I kept my tone gentle but firm because she needed to truly hear my next words. “For that to happen, he’d have towantto be a part of our family. And he doesn’t.”
A single tear spilled over. “I see that now. Walker didn’t share much about what happened last night, but your father spilled some, and I’ve had friends call this morning to share the rest.” She straightened her shoulders. “I have an appointment with a lawyer in an hour. I’m going to file for divorce.”
