My chest seized. I’d wanted her to take that step for so long, but now it felt wrong. Like I had forced it somehow. “You don’t have to do that for me.”
She nodded, wiping under her eye. “I’m doing it for all of us.”
I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “I hope this is the first step to you finding some happy.”
My mom gave me a watery smile. “I think it will be.” She squeezed my hand and then released it. “Speaking of happy… Walker mentioned when he dropped off your father last night that Jensen was over here taking care of you.”
That familiar mask slipped into place. “We’re friends, Mom.”
She took another sip of tea. “Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship.”
It was as if someone were slowly impaling me with a hot poker. I wanted it so badly, this thing that seemed almost within my reach, but I was so damn terrified that I’d fuck it all up the same way my father had. But maybe, just maybe, there was hope for us yet.
34
Jensen
The sun shone down,and I tipped up my face so I could soak up the rays. The flash of mild temperatures had held, and I was going to appreciate every moment of it.
A small muzzle sniffed at my shoulder. I smiled but didn’t turn my head. “Hey there, Ember.” I kept my voice low and stayed seated on the bucket I’d flipped over in the small paddock area she had at the equine center.
Life wasn’t getting any simpler. Cody’s threats still hung over my head, I had no idea whether or not this thing with Tuck was going to blow up in my face, and no one had figured out who was going after the wild mustangs. But I was doing what Grams had advised. I was holding onto the good.
And a big part of that was time with my horses. Ember edged just a bit closer, taking another sniff. The fracture in her leg wasn’t as bad as we’d first thought, and I hoped to take her home and introduce her to Phoenix soon. I had a feeling Phee would be happy to play surrogate mama to this sweet foal.
While Ember had gotten used to having people around, she didn’t fully trust anyone yet. I’d give her all the time in the world. Thankfully, I had more time now that I had Kennedy at the Kettle. She hadn’t mastered the baking aspect of the job yet, but it still gave me a couple of hours in the middle of each day to visit Ember and my herd at the ranch.
Ember took another step. If I reached out, I’d be able to stroke her side. I resisted the urge. Something told me this relationship had to come on her terms. I dipped my head, trying to send the message that I was deferring to her.
Ember sniffed at my hair and began to gum at it with her lips. Not biting, not nuzzling, maybe just trying to figure out who or what the heck I was. I couldn’t hold in the soft laugh or the huge smile.
I slowly raised my head, meeting her curious gaze. “That can’t taste very good.” Slowly, so very slowly, I raised my hand to her cheek. Ember let me stroke her soft face twice before she backed away. I let her go.
She eyed me as though waiting for my anger at her retreat. I gave her nothing but my wide smile and the freedom to go. Her muscles eased, and she began nibbling at the hay on the ground.
“She’s better with you than anyone else. You really do have a way with them, Jensen.”
I turned at the sound of Dr. Neill’s voice. “They have a way with me, too.”
It was true. During the time I’d been working myself to the bone, too proud to ask for help, I’d sacrificed time with my horses. But having it again, I was reminded of how right my instincts could be. I just had to tap into that other sense, that deeper gut view of the world. And, slowly, I was starting to trust it again.
Dr. Neill brushed the hair from her face. “I think she’ll be ready to go home with you in just a few weeks now.”
I stood and ducked between the paddock rails, careful to keep my movements slow. “That’s great news. I think it will really help her. I think being with Phoenix might help, too.”
Dr. Neill watched Ember munch on more hay. “You might be right. She’s healing well, but she needs companionship.”
My chest tightened at the thought of all Ember had lost. “Phee knows what it’s like to lose a family in a traumatic way. I think they might just be kindred spirits, those two.”
Dr. Neill smiled. “Let’s hope you’re right. I’ve got to make my rounds, but call if you need anything.”
“I will.” I reached out and shook her hand. Turning back towards Ember, I leaned on the fence rail. “I’ve got to go, pretty girl, but I’ll be back soon. Before you know it, you’ll be home for good.”
Ember raised her head at the sound of my voice, seeming to assess what I had said. She didn’t appear convinced. That was all right. We had all the time in the world.
I wound my way through the paddocks and stalls, comforted by the familiar sounds and smells of the horses. A bird called overhead as I crossed the parking lot towards my SUV. My thoughts drifted to Tuck, as they did so often lately. Sometimes, it was just a flash of those Arctic blues in my mind’s eye. Other times, it was a memory of something funny he’d said. Something sweet he’d done for Noah.
And if I were really lucky, it was a phantom feeling. As if his teeth were grazing my ear. His tongue trailing down my neck. His lips closing around my—the bird called from above again, and I realized I was about to walk smack into a parked car that wasn’t mine.
