He said nothing. The conversation was over. When Kayden couldn’t win the war of words, he shut things down. Call it loss by forfeit instead of knockout.
“I’m worried,” I continued. “If we want to make this work, we’ve got to be open with each other, lay everything out on the table.”
Again, he said nothing, focusing his eyes forward.
“Is this really what you plan to do? Just hide from everyone forever?”
“Why stop doing what works?”
For the first time in our relationship, I worried we could be in serious trouble. It wasn’t just because my boyfriend had shown the signature Kayden Preston stubbornness. He wouldn’t let go at all. I might not have known what I was, but I knew I wasn’tashamed of it. Kayden obviously was, but there was more to it. Like I said, something had happened, and I didn’t know what.
I remembered how he’d hesitated before passing earlier milestones. This could be different, the one obstacle he couldn’t hurdle. But I would keep on him. I wanted to think his stubbornness was no match for my optimism. But if he couldn’t clear his biggest obstacle, could we ever stay together?
34
KAYDEN
Iwouldn’t believe Erik De Ruiter if his tongue were notarized. On the other hand, I was crazy for the guy, so I put up with it. How I felt for him was different than my feelings for anyone ever, and not just because he was a guy. More importantly, I didn’t knowwhyI would have such intense feelings for someone who drove me crazy, but sometimes that felt like part of the adventure.
The afternoon we’d taken that Westside jog made everything hit home. Like, I connected the dots at that point. Erik wanted something different than I did. To be fair, I didn’t knowwhatI wanted. I’m not saying I’d just been along for a fun ride. Nothing that neanderthal. Dating a guy had been a huge life change for me, and I had to take baby steps—whereas Erik wanted me to take a giant leap.
Well, a giant leap risks landing you in a giant hole.
Something bothered him, though. I could tell. I had just finished fucking him, and he should have been staring up at the ceiling practically delirious. Only he didn’t seem nearly as enthused as usual. He normally cried out in pleasure, wrappinghis legs scissor-like around my hips, lacing his fingers at the back of my head, and calling me a sex god. You know, the usual.
But he did none of that this time. He barely held onto me. The few noises that came from him were the natural grunts and groans you should expect. In fact, he basically laid there, letting me fuck him, like he wanted to get it over with. The only thing he hadn’t done was check his watch while I was pounding him.
What gives?
After, we lay naked on his bed with Netflix playing in the background. At least that part was more or less normal. We were never in a hurry to escape one another’s company after sex. I stroked my finger up and down his chest, wanting to entice him to a second round. I wanted to finally rouse that enthusiasm from him.
I kissed his lips a few times, but he barely kissed back and didn’t smile. Then I reached down and stroked his cock, but that didn’t excite him either. Even tickling the underside of his balls didn’t do it for him. I swore this guy was made of stone.
“Something’s bothering you,” I said. “What is it?”
I expected him to say nothingand be as difficult as possible. But he didn’t say a word. He avoided the topic, sure, but he kept a stiff upper lip to pretend he was okay. And he was doing a shitty job of it.
Time to take the bull by the horns.
“Erik,” I said, “you don’t have to be like this. We’re a couple. Couples talk.”
“Right. They do.”
“So, why don’t you come out and tell me what’s wrong? I’m not fooled, you know.”
“You say couples talk, but that’s not the only thing couples do.”
Oh god, his tone of voice alone told me where this was going, and I didn’t like it. But I couldn’t stop the bus now that thewheels were turning. I sat up, ready to let my boyfriend take his best shot.
“I get you,” I said.
“You do?”
I nodded reservedly, saying, “Of course I do.”
“You want me to spill my guts and tell you what’s wrong, but you wouldn’t speak up about what was bothering you on that jog?”
Shit!
