“That’s an act for the media, bro. It’s all bullshit. Don’t you know that?”
“Yeah, but…”
“An athlete comes out, and then the media shoves microphones in the teammates’ faces to ask them for their thoughts. And what are they supposed to say? If they say the wrong thing, they’ll have even more media attention but for all the wrong reasons.”
“But I really don’t think the guys are going to go to the media with this.”
“Stuff leaks. You know that.”
“No, it won’t. You know how the team operates. Trust is sacred. We’re like a brotherhood. And like I said, it’s not an announcement for the whole world. It’s to let our brothers know who we really are. No more pretending.”
“It won’t work.”
Now he sounded like a robot programmed to disagree with anything and everything I said. We turned right onto West Ferry Street and headed west toward the Niagara River. My hopes for winning him over had dimmed, but I still thought I had a shot.
Okay, this wasn’t the typical Kayden hard-headed stubbornness I was used to. This was something completely different. Before, he’d at least left the door open for change. Now he made it sound like we would spend the rest of our lives living in secret.
No thanks.
“I think it can work,” I said. “You’ve just got to trust me.”
“Next, you’re going to say it’s time, huh?”
“Damn right it is.”
“Okay, so let’s say we do come out. What are we supposed to tell people? That we’re gay? We’re…”
“I don’t know what we should tell them. We should say whatever’s on our hearts.”
“See? You didn’t even think this through before trying to make a decision that’s going to change our lives forever.”
I hadn’t considered that part. I’d never wanted a guy before him, but I couldn’t deny what I’d felt. Instead of fighting my feelings, I’d followed my heart. After several months together, I still hadn’t lusted after another guy or checked out a single male ass on campus—or anywhere else. I still liked women, but my eyes hadn’t wandered toward them. That told me my feelings for Kayden were real. They weren’t just a passing fling or a phase. My love for him was here to stay.
But what did that love make me?
I didn’t know, and I tried not to overthink it. To be honest, we’d gotten way too wrapped up in things to worry about much else. I didn’t bother asking Kayden if he thought he was gay or bi or whatever. It didn’t matter. He’d turned into a closed book in a flash.
I wouldn’t let myself be diverted from my other concern: something had clearly set Kayden off. I didn’t know what, but I meant to get to the bottom of it.
“Did something happen?” I asked.
He stopped and wiped sweat from his forehead. He huffed and puffed a little from the jogging, but I knew something more had caused his heavy breathing. Ditto for the sweat streaming from his brow. Now I’d caught him, and he would try to clam up. Of course he would. He was Kayden Preston. On the other hand, I’m Erik De Ruiter, and I won’t let him pull any funny business.
“Something really did happen,” I said. “I know you too well. Instead of being a pain, why don’t you come out and tell me?”
“Nothing.”
“Tellme, would you?”
“Jesus Christ, dude, I’m telling you there’s nothing.”
But it wasn’t nothing. The look in his eyes made that clear. If nothing had happened, then he wouldn’t have stopped so abruptly. He wouldn’t have gotten all defensive at everything I said, and he wouldn’t have slammed the door shut on us ever being ourselves.
The only other option was that he’d hit a wall. He’d experienced a moment of realization telling him who he was and what our relationship meant. It didn’t matter what had happened. Something had come along and scared the living shit out of him.
He started jogging again, and I caught up with him.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” I asked. “No judgment.”
