Now he reallyhadbacked me into a corner. All I could do was lie or disengage from the conversation altogether. Neither option sounded particularly appealing, but neither did having my ass handed to me.
“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Don’t bullshit me, Kayden. I know you way too well for that. The whole jog—that whole day, for chrissake—I could tell something was wrong.”
“And how did you know that?”
“You were on edge, and it showed. And the moment I brought up coming out, the whole thing escalated.”
“No, it didn’t.”
“Give me a break, Kayden.”
You know what the most infuriating thing about him was? That he was right every single time he challenged me.
Okay, maybe noteverysingle time, but he had called me out more often than not. That was another part of being a couple that I had to get used to.
I paused, drew a deep breath, and hoped my boyfriend wouldn’t score any more points.
“You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
“So, what is it?”
I combed my fingers through my hair. Erik meant to chip away at me until I finally dished about everything. But I couldn’t spill all the tea. Doing that would out Ryan Detenbeck, no pun intended. And naturally, Erik would keep digging even after everything had been exposed. I also worried about how Erik would feel about Detenbeck or the team if I told him the truth. Some things were best left unsaid.
“I’m worried,” he said.
When he started talking like that, it always meant bad news.
“What’s got you so worried?”
“You know what I’m talking about. And don’t get mad that I’m bringing this up again. It’s just?—”
“I’m not mad.”
“Good. If we ever want to get anywhere, we’ve got to be able to talk about the things that bother us. I’m telling you about the things that bother me. Don’t you think you should do the same and be open?”
“I get what you’re saying…”
Sentences like that usually included ‘but’ before trailing off. Erik would’ve known that and pounced on me. I couldn’t win.
“If you get what I’m saying, I wouldn’t need to point it out,” he said. “We’re going off the rails here.”
“No, we’re not.”
“How would you know? If you can’t even share one piece of information with me, how can I ever be sure?”
“Because you’re my guy.”
“Am I going to be your guy a year from now? Five years? Ten?”
I paused. I wanted to tell him that but couldn’t predict the future. I just wanted to enjoy something great as it was happening. Leave it to Erik to make a problem of something far sooner than necessary.
“Look,” I said, “that’s not fair. I’m going with the flow, taking things one day at a time. What’s wrong with that?”
“One day at a time? Go with the flow? You’re mapped out the future more than anyone I’ve ever met.”
