“We’ll find a way to get into the castle, Sunshine.”
I nod dully.
“Tonight might have been for the best.”
“In what way?”
Suddenly, I’m as sharp as that obsidian knife he gave me. The one he crafted with his own hands.
“I’ve been hesitant to go through with our River Bend wedding,” he says slowly, softly. He’s given whatever he’s about to say a lot of thought. “Your people don’t want me. That alone wouldn’t be enough to stop me from going through with it, but you can’t seem to let go of your past with Lorcan and Zosia.”
His words cut deep.
“I tried to be a friend to him,” Tovian continued. “I think I was, for a while. But he’s not listening to anyone who wants to help him. Lorcan is stuck in limbo. And you’re stuck in the past.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I do, though. I do. It’s so obvious.
“You’re not focused on the baby. Or on me. Or on your tribe. You couldn’t see Lorcan for what he’s become until it was right in front of you. You’re living with ghosts.”
A choked sound escaped me.
He’s right. And I feel gods-awful about it.
For the first time, I’m being forced to reckon with the fact that I’ve been putting Tovian last for as long as I’ve known him.
“I think we should postpone the wedding.”
“No, Tovi.” An agonized whisper. “I promise I’ll put you first. I haven’t done a good job of that this summer. Or winter. Or spring. But I see clearly now how right you are, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“Shh.”
He strokes my hair.
“I’ll still be here for you and the baby. I’m not going anywhere for the moment.”
It sinks in that he’s actually breaking up with me. For perfectly valid reasons that scare me to death.
“I’ll give up the throne. My sister can be queen. I’ll come live with you. We can be happy in Ansi Village.”
He pinches my chin and raises my weepy face to his. Another soft kiss, this time on the lips. A goodbye kiss.
“You don’t want that. Besides, with Zosia gone, this country needs you. You’re a strong leader. Irreplaceable. I’ll still be part of your life. I’m not going to let my child be a stranger. But I’m not giving up my tribe to join yours if I’m going to be sidelined in everything important.”
Tovian smiles sadly. I burst into tears. I’ve done to him. No man could live up to the fantasy I’d woven about Lorcan. It was a boil that needed to be lanced ages ago. Instead, I’ve let it fester. I see it now.
Tovian holds me for a long time before kissing my forehead and closing the door, leaving me alone in the dark.
Chapter 29
“The wedding is off.”
My father’s jaw ticks. “Off? As in, canceled?”
His gaze flicks to my barely-rounded belly. An unwed, pregnant princess isn’t the catastrophe it would be in the outside world, but it’s still frowned upon. Apart from the Ansi, most Auralians, including the sub-tribes, are pretty conservative about sex. The Mountain Folk more or less ignore its existence.
“For now,” I add hastily. “We’re reassessing…our relationship.” As in, everything. “It turns out that we aren’t on the same page about how we’re going to handle me being queen here, and his role as Ansi prince. One of us will have to give.”
It’s not going to be me.
