I feel him release me and roll away. He’d been pinning me with his weight, and then there was a movement from the corner of my eye and it was gone. I push myself upright.
Tovian.
“I will kill him for you, if you wish.”
For the first time since Lorcan came back to us, I look him directly in the eye. There’s an ocean of pain beneath those blue depths. It might be kinder to let Tovian snap his neck. He could do it. Wouldn’t hesitate, if I asked him to. He’s waiting on my word.
But the truth is, Lorcan didn’t rape me. I attacked him. He has a right to sleep with whomever he wishes. He and Zosia weren’t together in any meaningful sense before the war. And he is still our best hope of finding her, dead or alive.
“Let him live. For now.”
Tovian all but shoves him away, rolls off the bed and stands at my side. I love him so much I can hardly contain it all.
“We should have left you for dead that night,” I tell Lorcan.
He shrugs into his shirt. Sullen. Filled with anger. He’s become a killing machine. If he has any humanity left, I can’t see it. The boy I knew is gone.
Lorcan brushes past me, moving fast and silent the way he always does. I close my eyes against his nearness. Tovian’s hand curls protectively around my shoulder.
“You could have had a queen,” I call after him. “You’re throwing it away, for what?” I have to try one more time to get through to him. If there’s anything left of the boy I knew, perhaps he’ll respond. “What are you getting out of this, Lorcan?”
“Laid. Which is a lot more than I got before.”
I suck in a sharp breath.
He didnotsay that.
He’s not finished, either.
“All I remember is a spoiled brat of a princess who hated everything I stood for. If Zosia’s feelings changed, that’s her problem. I owe her nothing beyond her freedom—if she’s even still alive.”
I close my eyes. I feel sucker-punched. He remembers more than I thought. He still doesn’t care. He’s let himself be consumed by resentment and bitterness.
There’s nothing left to save.
I should have let Tovian kill him.
“I’ll see him out,” Tovian says, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Make sure he goes.”
Numb, I exit Lorcan’s room so he could pack. Calmly, I fired the maid. Help is hard to find, but no castle needs maids who fall into guests’ beds at the crook of a finger. It gives you a bad reputation and foments problems among the staff. I’m running a kingdom, not a brothel. I don’t feel bad about making that decision.
Lorcan and Zosia aren’t coming back. I’m going to have to reckon with rebuilding an entire nation.
No wonder Zosia hated carrying this burden. It’s too much for any one person.
I wouldn’t blame her if she ran to the outside world and never came back. She’d be happier living that way. Free.
These are my thoughts when Tovian returns from ensuring Lorcan leaves River Bend. He shot out of the stables at a gallop and never looked back.
“You okay, Sunshine?”
“I will be.”
I sniffle. He pulls me into an embrace.
“He’s gone.”
“I know.”
