“I’ll miss the cottage,” I sighed.
“I didn’t want to spend time there without you. We could buy a larger house. Or build one, eventually.” He stroked the curve of my shoulder. “A summer cottage, to escape from the castle.”
A blending of our lives, to the extent possible. “I’d like that.”
“I should go and check in with the new guards.”
“Go on. I know they’ll be glad to have you back. Bennet especially. Tahra’s been humoring him by giving him a role, which he earns by doing his lessons.” I gestured to the pile before me. “I have plenty to keep me occupied.”
“Don’t work too hard, Princess.” Lorcan kissed my cheek and left me to my paperwork.
For the first time, I didn’t feel the impulse to follow him. Fledgling trust. Wings stretching. I’ve weighed the potential for a fall against the lure of the sky for long enough.
I lost myself in work for a few hours. The way my father used to, avoiding his lonely, grieving daughter because he didn’t know what to do with me. Both of us were locked in our grief, and we both leaned hard on Cata for support, putting her in an impossible position.
One of these days, I’m going to have to go through my father’s belongings.
By the time Lorcan returned, I’d changed into soft clothes and was sprawled out on the bed, stomach down, trying to wrestle sums into submission. He was a beaming, sweat-stained wreck.
“Good session?” I asked, chin in hand.
“Tahra’s newest recruit has a vicious streak,” he explained, rolling up his sleeve to reveal a bruise blooming over his bicep. “I’m out of practice, a bit.”
After he cleaned up and changed into loose pants and a threadbare shirt, Lorcan confiscated my computer and relocated it from the bed to the table.
“Hey!”
“Take a break, Princess.” He rolled me to my back, pinned my wrists against the counterpane and kissed me breathless, crushing all my papers in the process. I laughed and twisted, but it’s useless to resist.
I got one leg around his waist, my heel to his knee. Bucking against him as he pretends to torture me brought my center into contact with his hard length. My laughter faded into a moan. Lorcan’s hot breath skimmed over the hollow of my throat. Despite the layers of fabric in between, it feelssogood.
Slowly, I disengaged, sliding my heel down the back of his and inching up the bed. Lorcan released my wrists, though he didn’t get up. We lay there, with him propped on his elbows above me, the question hanging in the air between us.
“I would. If you wanted to.”
Have sex with me, he means. That elusive experience I’ve wanted for so long and with such disastrous results.
But that means asking Lorcan to violate one of his deepest-held values: no knight worthy of the name would deflower a princess without marrying her first. He’s walked right up to the edge, yet in the end? It was the one shred of his former honor that he could hold onto, having so thoroughly debased himself.
I hated it, thinking it was a rejection of me. I can’t fault him for not being specific about his reasons, though, considering the way I reacted to his honesty with me in Tenáho. Using the truth as a bludgeon when he was vulnerable with me was a cruel thing to do. No wonder he was reluctant to speak truthfully.
“I can wait.” I sat up enough to take his face between my palms. “It’s only six more weeks.” I kissed his forehead, and let him go. There is a risk in waiting. It’s one worth taking. “Consider it a wedding gift. Since I have no idea what else to give you.”
“You are giving me yourself, Zosia. I don’t need anything else.” He squeezed me so tight I could hardly breathe. “You’re already giving me a literal kingdom.”
“Yes, well, be careful what you ask for. Kingdoms are a lot of work. Sort of like giving someone a puppy, only it never grows out of the peeing-on-the-rug stage.”
I touched his nose. Joking again, though I’m terrified this will fail yet again.
My pulse picked up as he kissed me, soft and slow like it’s the first time all over again. As if we’re back in Cata’s kitchen. Warm hands skimmed up my ribs beneath my shirt. I wasn’t shy when he pulled me into his lap, and his shirt off. Then mine.
Well...that’s not completely truthful, but I didn’t shy away fearing that I can’t compete with women long forgotten. That I’ll never be enough to keep him. I always was, even when I couldn’t see it.
No, Lorcan’s blue eyes were downright worshipful. His hands trembled slightly as he brought them to my breasts, circling the peaks with rough thumbs.
“We can do as much or as little as you want, Zosia,” he murmurs against my ear. I felt him buck beneath me.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered.
