CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
Upon arriving back at the castle, I was astonished by how much progress Ifran and his crews had made. The rickety drawbridge had been replaced by a sturdier version, complete with rails. He had plans drawn up to salvage the rocks from the destroyed gatehouses and build a proper stone bridge instead. All it needed was my approval.
Lorcan disliked this plan. He wanted to be able to close off the castle from future threats. When I pointed out how that had backfired last time, he relented, but not without an argument. I could have asserted my status, but what kind of marriage would we have if I went around overruling him constantly? The way I’ve done before, and made him bristle?
We hadn’t even made it to the royal apartments without a disagreement.
Word spread quickly. There was no reason for me to be surprised. Castle life is always gossipy, even when your castle is a marginally habitable ruin with a skeleton crew of staff. After dinner, from the privacy of our balcony, I called Raina to unload my frustrations while Lorcan showered.
“Did Tovian arrive safely?” I asked.
“Yes, and we are looking forward to reunion sex, so I need to keep this conversation short.”
“You can have sex while pregnant?” I asked. I really hadn’t thought about it before.
“Fucking hell, Zosia, don’t joke about it. I feel like a whale already.”
I apologized quickly. I wasn’t about to confess that I had very little idea about what was and was not normal, much less possible, in sex, as I had so little experience with it. The disconnect between public perception and reality was grating when Lorcan and I were mostly out of view. Now, we were thrust into the unforgiving lens of public scrutiny, and I had no one to confide in about my deepest shame. My own betrothed would share a bed with me but spurned me, physically.
“I have a new maid,” I told my friend, to change the subject and ease into the other source of my frustrations. “Norah.”
“Is she good?”
“Seems to be. I only met her this afternoon.”
I hadn’t taken an immediate liking to Norah, but then again, I had never given much thought to any of my maids. They showed up, managed my clothing and styled my hair, and seldom made any overtures of friendship. Sometimes I tried to converse with them about their families, but that was as far as anything had ever gone.
“I think Norah might be a bit of a gossip.” I am afraid she might be worse, but I have been known to be overly suspicious in these matters, so I kept my private doubts to myself.
“Fire her. That’s my advice.”
“I can’t fire her over nothing.”
“It’s not nothing! I don’t care how competent they are; servants who can’t exercise discretion don’t belong in the royal chambers. Let them work in the laundries or the kitchens or send them to the stables, where they can’t spread secrets.”
Raina has always been practical in this sense. She knows her place at River Bend, and has little patience for anyone who doesn’t. I could stand to take notes.
“I’m not sure it was her,” I hedged. “Lorcan and I had a minor disagreement, over the design of the drawbridge to the castle. Specifically, I want it to be a proper bridge instead of a retractable wooden slab.”
“He had security concerns?”
“Yes. But I pointed out that last time, the drawbridge rather backfired.”
“Zosia. You were the one who blew up the gatehouses.”
“True.”
“I know you would have done the same to a bridge.”
“Yes, also true.”
“So, whether it’s a bridge or a gatehouse, who fucking cares? Right? The drawbridge won’t keep anyone out who’s determined to get in, and the bridge is expendable in an emergency anyway.”
“I—” Had no response to that. Raina was right. It was a stupid argument, and I’m glad I didn’t assert my authority because what a dumb waste of influence that would have been. It was the kind of minor disagreement that shouldn’t have mattered, and wouldn’t have, if I hadn’t heard the servants whispering in the hallways afterward that the future queen and her chosen knight weren’t happily engaged, after all. That our marriage was a sham.
Which it was, until very recently.
How could there be any real feeling behind the match, when a scant few months ago he made a habit of taking any woman to bed who offered?
