“Stop.”I shook my head, fighting back the urge to cry Wasn’t this exactly what I’dbeen longing for, to have the confirmation of his attraction and to finally bewith him? And now that I had it and offered to me on a silver platter, I felt forcedto turn it down.
“I’llsee you soon, okay?” I asked, desperately wanting this conversation to havenever happened and wishing I possessed the power to go back in time.
Tomy horror, Goose shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “No,”he replied firmly. “Whether youwannaadmit to it ornot, I know you feel the way I do. And if youwannaignore that, then that’s your decision to make. But then we shouldn’t see eachother anymore.‘Causethis shit is onlygonnaget worse, it’s onlygonnaget harder to ignore, and I won’t do it. It’s not fair to myself, or you. Andit’sdefinitely notfair to the baby, so …” Heshrugged, before nodding, then said, “Good luck, Kenny. I hope you leave himone day, because despite what you might think, you do deserve a lot better thanwhat you have.”
Ididn’t stop him as he turned and left my apartment. It had been the right thingto do, I knew that, but it still didn’t stop my heart from begging me to runafter him. With the feeling of his lips still lingering on mine, I fought mydesperation with an iron fist, beating the urges down with the insistence thatit never would have worked out. If not with Goose, then with the legal battlesI’d surely have fought against Brendan.
Tryingto busy myself, I set to packing up more of the apartment. But instead offocusing on my task, I had only given myself more time to think. It dawned onme how twisted it was that I would only be with Brendan out of fear. I didn’ttrust him, and that was the truth. I didn’t trust what he’d do if I were toleave him, and Goose was right; that wasn’t love. It wasn’t even close.
“Butthen, what am I supposed to do?” I asked Mrs. Potter, who only blinked inreply. “I mean, let’s be real here, if I had met Goose six months ago, before thebaby ever happened, then there’d be no question right now. I’d have dumpedBrendan’s ass in a heartbeat. But …” I laid a hand over my fluttering belly.“Then,hewouldn’t exist, and I wouldn’t take him back for anything.”
Aheavy sorrow rested against my shoulders at the thought. I could so easilyremember the time when I wasn’t sure I even wanted the baby at all, and now, Iwas saddened at the possibility of him not being here. It was Goose who haddone that though, not Brendan, and that wasn’t lost on me either.
Chapter Eighteen
“Kenny,look at your legs!”
Momhurried over and instructed me to sit down on the couch. She elevated my legsby propping them on the coffeetable, andrubbed mycalves.
Ilooked down at my ballooned ankles and feet, shrugging and forcing nonchalance,then said, “I'm pregnant. Your legs are supposed to swell when you're pregnant,aren’t they?”
“Yeah,that's true,” she said, rubbing a little more vigorously, as if a deep tissuemassage could rid me of all the excess fluids. “But this is a little more thannormal for the second trimester.”
“Everybodyis different,” I muttered, reiterating the words my doctor had said to me at mylast appointment, after I’d mentioned that I still hadn't benefitted from thatfabled burst of energy.
“Iguess so,” Mom replied, unconvinced. Then, with a pat on the knee, said, “Keepyour legs up for a while and try to get some of that water retention undercontrol. What would you like to do for dinner? You want me to go grab some ofthose wings you like?”
Theindirect mention of Goose struck me like a fist to the gut. It had been alittle more than two weeks since I'd seen him, and I missed him so much morethan I missed his wings or the inspirational atmosphere of his bar.
“No,”I said, shaking my head. “How about—”
“Whathappened?”
Ishifted my gaze toward my mother and saw the look of speculation in her eyes.“What?”
“You'resad. Why are you sad?”
“I'mnot sad,” I insisted, while feeling a sudden urge to look away from her knowinggaze.
“Yes,you are,” she pressed, reaching out to poke my cheek. “Tell your mother. What'sgoing on?”
Ihadn't told anyone about the birthday incident. Nobody else needed to knowabout the kiss or the things said between Goose and me. But living with thatheavy weight against my heart hadn't been easy. I wasn't the biggest fan ofsecrets, and so, I didn't need much coaxing to tell her exactly what hadhappened between us.
“Well,um, Goosesortaconfessed to having feelings for mewhen he came over for my birthday,” I muttered, giving her the abridgedversion. “And then, he kissed me, and—”
“Whoa,wait a minute!” Mom exclaimed, raising her hands to the Heavens. “Hekissedyou?”
Inodded, instantly annoyed by my cheeks and the way they blushed at the thoughtof his lips pressed to mine. “Yeah. And he shouldn't—”
“Howwas it?”
Scowling,I shot her a steely glare. “Mom!”
Shrugging,then pulling her feet underneath her on the couch, she said, “What? I'mjust curious.”
“Itlasted threefreakin' seconds. I didn't have time tothink about how it was.”
“Oh,come on. That's all the time you need to know if something feels right,” shegroused, unamused. “So, how was it? Were there fireworks?”
