Applying makeup with my left hand proved more difficult than I imagined. A cast prevented me from using my dominant hand. “This must be a dream. Right?” If my entire body didn’t hurt, I might have thought so.
Cody didn’t want to see me without my makeup applied perfectly. I knew if I didn’t follow his request—demand, really—punishment would be imminent.
Once skin is bruised, it hurts ten-fold when it’s hit again. So, I endured the sharp pain behind my eye which pulsed with every beat of my heart. AnOxy called to me from my top dresser drawer, who was I to ignore my dear friend?
I popped one pill and looked up to find a stranger reflected in the mirror above my dresser. New bruises dotted my skin, so I slid my dress to the floor and took inventory. I turned back and forth to capture the enormity of the beating.
Four purple fingerprints wrapped around the back of both of my upper arms; I didn’t remember how he had shaken me like a ragdoll until that moment.How had I missed those?
Face, arms, neck. I turned.Kidney?The stairs left scrapes on my shins and the palms of my hands as I slid down them. I popped a second pill. I was surprised that my chin hadn’t been damaged from falling down the concrete steps face first. My right arm snapped in the process.That was a first. He’d never broken a bone in all the time …
My thoughts stopped as I realized how ridiculous it had been to allow the abuse to keep happening.Yes, allow. I did this to me just as much as he did. I stayed. But I can’t leave; where would I go? WherecouldI go? Can I get away from him? Would he hunt me down if I just walked away? Yes.Definitely.
I lowered my chin, closed my eyes, and sat on the bed.Shit.
FOR A WEEKafter my “tumble” as Cody called it, I didn’t go to work. He treated the “incident” as if I had fallen down the steps because I hadn’t figured out how to walk. My boss had been very understanding about the half-truth I spun about breaking my arm. When I did return to the bar, Brian welcomed me with open arms. Literally.
His hug struck me as genuine, even though I winced at the soreness of my torso; he truly cared about my well-being. “Do whatever you’re comfortable doing. Don’t lift anything with that hand, don’t do dishes, don’t put any stress on that bone. Can you write with your left hand?”
“My memory will have to carry me through; luckily, I don’t really need to write much down. I’m sure I can use the cast as a way to cover if I forget.” Getting back into the familiar groove gave me a sense of belonging. Regular customers made me smile as they waved on their way to a table they claimed as “theirs.”
Something still felt off, though. Like someone was watching me all the time. I found myself looking over my shoulder and tried to hide my discomfort. A chill ranup my spine as I turned to greet a couple. “Hi there. So nice to see you again, Layla. Dan. What can I get you to start?”
“Kennedy. Oh my gosh, what happened to your arm?”
If they only knew, I’m positive they wouldn’t have asked. “Oh, my clumsy ass tripped and slid down my stairs.” I chuckled at Cody’s explanation. “Apparently, I haven’t figured out how to walk yet.” A smirk and eyeroll made it believable.
The first day back passed faster than I thought it would. Customers kept me busy with chit-chat between running to and from the kitchen. Late in my shift, as I took an order from a tourist couple, I sensed someone looking at me. The hair stood up on the back of my neck.
When I turned to take the order to the cook, Cody grinned at me from a chair at the bar. His eyes were so void of emotion, I almost tripped over my own feet. Maybe he was right: I was just clumsy. A frown covered my face as I checked the time. The clock read seven fifteen; I still had two hours left in my shift.Why is he here?
Brian greeted Cody, who glared at him for no reason. On his way through the double doors to the kitchen, he lifted his chin in my direction.
I rounded the bar and smiled at my husband as if everything had been normal. “Hey, I didn’t realize youhad come in. You hungry?”
He nodded.
I kissed his cheek. “I need to put this order in real quick. Be back in a minute.”
His stare burned a hole in my back as I walked away. Without making eye contact with any of the staff, I fulfilled my duties behind the counter, paused to take a deep breath, then joined Cody at the bar. “What would you like me to get for you?”
“I’ll take you on the bathroom sink.” Cody’s eyes glistened. He was serious. “You’re not wearing panties, are you?”
I responded the only way I knew would keep him from getting angry. I acted flirty. “Oh, Cody. You’re so bad.” With a smile and a pat on the knee, I rounded the bar and poured him a water. “I’ll get you an olive burger. You wanna eat at the bar?”
“Sure, babe.”
His eyes followed my every step. It was almost impossible to ignore, and I found myself changing my attitude with the customers. Happy-go-lucky and carefree, almost flirty, turned into carefully chosen words and minimal smiles. I had to be sure not to laugh, otherwise Cody would know how much I enjoyed being somewhere other than with him. God forbid I like to learn about other people’s experiences.
On the few nights he showed up for dinner, I couldexpect a ride home. Even if he did intend to surprise me and possibly catch me doing something wrong, the need to not have to walk home was a nice change. After he finished his meal, he let the silverware clank on the plate to get my attention. “You’re going to need to walk home tonight. Friends from Anchorage are coming over to welcome me back to Alaska.
“Oh.” I shrugged. “Okay.” Relieved he would be leaving soon so I could drop my charade, I offered my best fake smile. “Not a problem. It’s supposed to a little cold tonight, but I'm sure I’ll survive.” Wondering out loud, I asked, “Which friends?”
“None of your fucking business.” He stood and left without paying the bill.
Stunned, I looked from right to left hoping no one was within earshot. I stood in place long after he left not believing he would say such a thing in public. Usually, he waited until no one was around to be a complete asshole. What if someone had heard him?What did I say?
Brian called me from the kitchen. “Kennedy, would you please come here for a minute?” He led the way to his office and closed the door behind me.
