Without another word, Tatas disconnected.
Everyone in Command stared at Fyn, who had his arms wrapped around me. Of course, from their perspective, he was clinging to nothing but air. Kal, with Seth at his side, moved toward us, but Fyn stopped them. “I need to speak to my mate.”
“Take all the time you need,” Don said. “I shall have to remain here until the boobaas leave, but a shuttle can take you home as soon as you're ready.”
“We’ll stay with you,” Kal said, and Seth nodded.
Mindy piped up. “I’ll stay here too.”
“I can take you and Caleb home,” Monty said.
“Thank you.” Fyn headed out of Command, and I trailed silently behind him to the shuttle, wishing Tatas hadn’t said anything.
The entire flight back to Tamkolvanloknol I remained silent. Caleb tried to initiate a conversation, but not a single word came out of my tight throat. I was the reason he was here. I’d guessed it, but I didn’t know I was his tether—the one thing tying him to the mortal plane. He was being ripped apart, and he still chose to remain by my side.
Wave after wave of self-loathing crashed over me, making it hard for me to breathe. It was as if I was drowning. With every moment that passed, the cloud over me grew until I couldn’t see around me. A strangling pressure squeezed my chest and a ringing numbness filled every cell of my body.
I was causing my mate, my other half, to destroy himself.
I certainly wasn’t worthy of his loyalty or love. Caleb deserved to move on, but I desperately needed him to stay. Selfish, I knew, but the thought of continuing without Caleb bouncing by my side was too much. Yet that was to be my fate. Time would rip him from me, and I would never see him again.
If he moved on, I might see him someday or I might not. I had no way of knowing.
I leaned back against the bulkhead of the shuttle. What should I do? I knew the answer, but I did not like it. Caleb was mine and he belonged beside me, but hewasmine. It was my responsibility to protect him, and how could I cause him harm? I was meant to shield him with every fiber of my being, yet I was the one hurting him. I had to let him go. He needed to move on, no matter how much it destroyed me.
When we landed on the palace shuttle port, I stepped outside into the bright light of Tamkolvanloknol, leaning into the ever-present wind. Caleb walked right beside me, without even a slight bounce in his step.
“Come, Mate.”
He bobbed his head.
I led him to our quarters; I didn’t want to have an audience for this conversation. I faced Caleb, and he shook his head. “What?” I asked.
“No.”
“I did not say anything.”
“You don’t think I know you, Sunshine?” he asked. “I am not leaving.”
My lips parted.
“I am not letting you go.”
“You have to. I cannot be the cause of your suffering.”
“You’re not,” he said, coming to stand in front of me, his hands on my chest. The chill made longing spike in my gut. I craved his fingers stroking me as he told me exactly what he desired. But I wanted my mate to be safe more.
“I am,” I insisted. “I’m your tether.”
He smiled, going up on his toes. “I searched the universe, looking for something I didn’t understand, but it was you. I was always yours. You’re the sun of my existence, Zoltilvoxfyn. I cannot live without you.”
I swallowed, pain blooming in my soul. “I am not worth that devotion.”
“You are,” Caleb said firmly, cupping my cheeks. “You are worth everything.”
“You are mine, Caleb. That is why you need to leave, so someday I might see you again.”
“I am not leaving.”
